Kanye West Hosted John Wall and Justin Bieber at Staples Center Birthday Party

Kanye West turned 38 on Monday, which may or may not leave some of you in a deep existential funk as you wonder where the 11 years between The College Dropout and now have gone.

But rest assured: Kanye is still Kanye, and that will never change, if his birthday party at the Staples Center is any indication.

Joined by Kim Kardashian, John Wall, Justin Bieber and a small army of friends and other celebrities, West took over the Los Angeles hardwood for an "East vs. West"-style all-star game in honor of his nameday.

There was cake, freestyling and a lot of basketball. We'll start with the cake, because cake is great and West's was baked in the shape of a Larry O'Brien Trophy.

West's personal fashion designer, Tracey Mills, captured video of the rapper blowing out his candles on the floor of the Staples Center while listening to his own music and wearing Yeezy Boosts. You have now read the most Kanye West sentence in recorded history.

As for the aforementioned guest list, there was a decent mix of athletes, entertainers and random guys who are probably rich and niche-famous in their own right.

Let's start with John Wall, who dropped in for the occasion:

Shaquille O'Neal also beamed in via video to serenade West with a freestyle. O'Neal rapped that he "did it by [himself]" from 2001 to 2003, further ethering Kobe Bryant, which O'Neal may be legally obligated to do any time he rhymes.

On the basketball side of things, TMZ reports Kardashian dropped $110,000 reserving the venue and hiring actual NBA referees and Laker Girls to work the event. John Legend also reportedly sang the national anthem before tipoff.

It's unclear who won, but West hit some clutch free throws down the stretch. His form is beyond reproach:

Portland Trail Blazers forward Dorell Wright told TMZ that it was between rapper Tyga and Bieber for the game's MVP honors.

"Bieber was showin' out," Wright said. "He definitely had the most points. It was between him and Tyga."

We do have evidence of Bieber hitting a baseline jumper:

Happy birthday, Kanye. I'm glad you balled for most of the day, if not all of it. I also hope you didn't pick up any birthday technicals.

Dan is on Twitter. With his luck, Joey Crawford will officiate his wedding.