Adding another chapter to the constantly expanding tome Why the Ocean Is a Vast Abyss of Unspeakable Horrors You Should Avoid at All Times, a spearfishing enthusiast has uploaded footage of his open-sea encounter with a huge great white shark.
According to the video caption provided by the spearfisher/crazy person, Zack Spurlock, he was spearing lionfish for a seafood restaurant in the waters southeast of Port Canaveral, Florida, when death incarnate glided out of the inky darkness.
Spurlock writes up the encounter very casually, with apologies for his inability to simultaneously film and hold a bag of fish and a spear while staring down nature's most perfect killing machine:
This was filmed on my 3rd dive of the day in while out shooting Lionfish for Grills Seafood. I was in 90ft approx. 25 miles SE of Port Canaveral. When I first saw the shark it was on bottom and slowly swimming south. I then see it pass by headed North a minute later. It swims by a third time and after it swam out of sight I decide its to head up to get the GoPro. My friend tosses me the GoPro and as I proceed to make my way back the jug on the surface the shark makes a surprise appearance behind me. I would have never seen the shark behind me if it wasn’t for my friends yelling at me to turn around! The water was crystal clear for here so its amazing to me how incredible these large creatures are at staying in your blind spot. Sorry for the video quality, was holding on a gun, pole spear and bag with lionfish fins poking through and trying not to drop anything!
To recap, this person saw a great white shark glide past him in the water and thought, "Better get the camera."
You'll note in the video that a moment of sanity kicks in for Spurlock around the 46-second mark—or as I call it, the "brick your pants moment."
This is the instant when your entire life—all your hopes, triumphs and regrets—roll montage-style through your mind as you simultaneously evacuate your bowels into the briny chill of the Atlantic.
In this moment, your only hope is your body's involuntary expulsion propels you out of the water, or at least leaves a dense enough cloud in which the animal will lose you.
Anyway, the shark does not eat Spurlock, who finally decides to hold his spear in place of a small waterproof camera. Instead of ripping him apart like bath tissue, the beast turns and heads back into the gloom.
Now, this moment seems like the right time to leave the water and sacrifice several Brahmin to Poseidon for allowing you to enter his kingdom and leave alive (a rare treat). This is not what Spurlock does.
Deciding against returning to the boat to weep by the livewell, he follows the shark toward the bottom, where visibility is low and he can't see the animal. Reminder: Great white sharks enjoy surprising their prey with attacks from below.
Eventually, reason returns to this man, and he goes back to the boat. No one died.
Never go in the ocean. At all.
Dan is on Twitter. #TeamDryLand all day.