As many suspected, the 243-page document doesn't paint an entirely innocent picture, concluding that Tom Brady was likely "generally aware" that the Patriots equipment staff deflated balls below league standards before or during the AFC Championship Game.
Backing up this assertion are transcripts of cellphone text conversations between locker room attendant Jim McNally and equipment assistant John Jastremski—and in one case, Brady and Jastremski.
McNally and Jastremski surrendered their cellphone records, and put simply, their chats read like an off-brand Judd Apatow script about disgruntled equipment room bros plotting revenge against Tom Brady.
You can read the transcipts here (warning: Texts contain NSFW language and the general aroma of Curve body spray), but the main takeaway is that the phrase "F--k Tom (Brady)" is used multiple times.
In any case, the Wells report has the Internet humming with takes and yucks, many of which center on Frick and Frack's highly amusing text conversations.
Here are some choice cuts:
Also, if you're wondering which young, knucklehead skateboarders were behind these messages, Fox Sports' Jimmy Traina has a curveball for you:
So there's that.
Dan is on Twitter. He's currently throwing his phone into a fire that's falling off a cliff.