Update: May 2.
Well, Jimmy Fallon was right.
American Pharoah, the horse picked by Kimmel's puppy predictors, won the actual Kentucky Derby on Saturday.
I don't know how the man does it, but he did it.
---End of Update---
No one has any idea who's going to win the 2015 Kentucky Derby. You don't, I don't. No one does.
There's no clear-cut front-runner in Saturday's jaunt for casual gambling addicts to toss a 20-spot on, leaving us to bet on the horses' names or, if you're a weirdo, their past racing results and actual analysis.
One of these tacks is more fun than the other, but they aren't puppies—the pinnacle of game theory and simulation technology.
Enter Jimmy Fallon, who once again broke out a herd of puppies in the name of predicting the winner of a marquee sporting event. The dogs represented each horse entered in the Derby. Each was tasked with running to a trough of kibble to decide the victor. Some were very, very sleepy.
The winner was American Pharoah—an adorable little specimen and a likely Illuminati cohort. Coming in second and third were Mubtaahij and Far Right.
Make your bets accordingly and remember: You know nothing, Joe Schmo.
Dan is on Twitter. Go American Pharaoh. Daddy needs a new hat.