You know those men's facial lotion commercials?
The ones where a guy gets slapped in the mouth by a fish and then by a woman and then by every other animate or inanimate object a man can piss off in a day's work of 10-knuckled mannery?
An abbreviated version of that montage is what Brooks Orpik struggled through Tuesday night.
The Washington Capitals defenseman experienced an onslaught of facial misfortune in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup playoff series against the New York Islanders. It started with the 34-year-old taking a skate to the face and ended with the brisk, tingling sensation only a cup of beer hurled from the stands can provide.
The skate-to-the-face incident occurred in the first period, when Orpik fell to the ice in time to catch teammate John Carlson's skate blade flush in the mouth and cheek.
Vine user Engelland's Eye (h/t For The Win's Hemal Jhaveri) posted video of the incident. It's certainly not the first thing you want to see when you wake up.
Warning: Video may make you cringe/massage your own face.
Orpik immediately skated off the ice after the cut. He would receive stitches and return to the game in the second period, because, well, playoff hockey.
The Capitals went on to win 2-1, evening the series at two apiece. At game's end, Washington players congregated near the boards in celebration, and it was then that a friendly Islanders supporter offered Orpik a refreshing spritz of hops for that mangled face of his.
Norwegian journalist Mathias Ask posted video of a beer cup striking Orpik in the shoulder. The booze sprayed onto his wounded face and left him looking more confused than concerned.
The Capitals will host the Islanders on Thursday night. I predict Orpik will be slapped by at least two exes, four rainbow trout and a scratchy tree limb between now and the puck drop.
Dan is on Twitter. He does not condone this kind of aggressive exfoliation.