Last Night's Mets Game Quiz

Scoring eight runs in one inning one night and then giving up eight runs in one inning the next night can, of course, only happen to the Mets.

Last night’s 15-2 nightmare doesn’t deserve a routine recap or analysis. Instead, we’ll get all touchy-feely with a quiz about how the game made us feel.

1. Watching Bobby Parnell struggle through three innings while giving up nine runs made me want to:

    a) throw myself into a cage filled with angry raccoons and let them rip me to shreds.

    b) bludgeon myself with a commemorative Roger Cedeno bobblehead.

    c) all of the above.

2. Watching Luis Castillo lazily not cover second base on a potential inning-ending force out, which would have stopped the Braves at three runs instead of eight, made me want to:

    a) go on a drinking binge with Mr. Met and not stop until we pass out in Butch  Huskey’s backyard wearing nothing but orange Rusty Staub wigs and a T-shirt that says, “I went on a bender with Mr. Met and all I got was this damn T-shirt.”

    b) start rooting for the St. Louis Browns, even though they don’t exist anymore.

    c) all of the above.

3. Watching a team that has Anderson Hernandez, Wilson Valdez, and Andy Green on the field at the same time makes me want to:

    a) stop watching sports altogether and introduce myself to my wife and daughter.

    b) have Turk Wendell shoot and kill me, make a necklace out of my teeth and have him mount my head in his den.

    c) all of the above.

4. Watching Tim Redding pitch makes me want to:

    a) challenge Mo Vaughn to an eating contest—loser gets eaten by the winner.

    b) stick my head in a fish tank filled with piranhas.

    c) all of the above.

5. Watching the 2009 Mets play makes me want to:

    a) torture myself in the cruelest way possible: Watching a 48-hour Mama’s Family marathon.

    b) get run over by the old Mets bullpen cart driven by Mel Rojas—over and over again.

    c) all of the above.

The answers to all of the above questions are, of course, c) all of the above.