Sports Animals That Live Better Than Us

It’s a well-established fact that most professional athletes, coaches and owners live lives of luxury most of us will never even come close to experiencing. Certainly not in our everyday lives, but usually not even by accidentally stumbling into someone else’s for a stretch.

At least we’re used to that—power players in the sports world tend to have things that the rest of us don’t have. Things like physical talent, business acumen or an entire franchise gifted to them by a deceased parent, which they will, in turn, run into the ground.

That being said, aside from the aforementioned usual suspects, there’s actually an entire class living large in the sports world that we tend to forget: Animals. Unqualified, untalented, undeserving four-legged leeches, living better than we ever will! (Beware of hyperbole!)

Whether they’re the pampered pets of professional athletes or the manicured mascots of our nation’s universities, most have that one thing in common. Let's take a look at a few of them.

Roscoe

Andre Drummond, Detroit Pistons

Instagram ID: andredrummond

Pistons center Andre Drummond didn’t let society’s conventional norms influence him back in late 2013 when he decided to get a puppy. One might have expected a 7’0" baller in Detroit to go big with a boxer or pit bull, but Drummond went the exact opposite direction with his mini Maltese, Roscoe.

Drummond was tweeting about him before even bringing him home. Not long after bringing the precious pup home, he and Roscoe were featured in a video on the Pistons website. Drummond has been doting on the dog ever since, even dressing him up from time to time. Doesn’t get much more spoiled and pampered than this.

Jonathan XIV

Pat Eaton-Robb/Associated Press

University of Connecticut Huskies

Mascot: Jonathan XIV

Like so may universities with dog mascots, Jonathan the Husky is pretty much the king of campus. He’s got his own Facebook page, boasting over 10,000 likes and climbing, which has daily updates on everything and anything King Jonathan does in a given week.

When Jonathan XIV was unveiled as UConn’s new mascot in January of 2014, it was national news. His introductory YouTube video is closing in on 100,000 views, as is his ALS #IceBucketChallenge video! He is absolutely adored on and around the campus, enjoying a level of celebrity that most of us humans will never know.

Zo the Bulldog

Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder

Instagram ID: easymoneysniper

Thunder superstar Kevin Durant welcomed this guy to his team in February of 2014—a Bulldog, baby at the time, named Zo. Little Zo might not be as overtly spoiled as some of the other pets on this list (at least based on Instagram standards), but isn’t getting to hang with KD and his crew alone more than most of us plebs could ever imagine?

Traveler

Christian Petersen/Getty Images

University of Southern California Trojans

Mascot: Traveler

The USC student dressed up as a Trojan warrior is probably pretty annoying, so carrying that dude around at home games might not be Traveler’s favorite part of the fall, but it’s probably well worth it to live the way he does the rest of the year. As noted in the Los Angeles Times in 2006, LA’s “No. 1 Steed,” and the other horses that live with him in the San Fernando Valley, are very “spoiled.”

He enjoys special blankets, daily grooming, lots of carrots—all funded by a $2 million annual endowment for their care. The current Traveler is reportedly the best ever, very curious by nature and doesn’t shy away from crowds. He’s in constant demand for shows and parades, his saddle’s also been graced by the famous bums of celebrities such as Salma Hayek and Fabio.

Thor

Evan Mathis, Philadelphia Eagles

Instagram ID: evanmathis69

At 6’5", 298 pounds, Eagles offensive guard Evan Mathis is a very large man. He’s a very large man with two very small dogs: a Chihuahua named Thor (pictured) and non-Chihuahua (at least as far as I can tell) named Bill. They’re both comically small and fantastically adorable, but Thor is definitely leading the more enviable life.

He’s first born and clearly daddy’s favorite, based on the fact that he lets him drive. Thor is also in with the Mathis family baby, which could explain why he gets his own tickets to Monday night games. He’s just endlessly coddled by Mathis, who is, by all accounts, hilarious. Quite the life of leisure tiny Thor is leading.

Kovu

Doug Martin, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Instagram ID: dougmartin22

Buccaneers running back Doug Martin has a couple of pets, both of which are pretty intimidating in their own way. The first is Kiki, a python that you may find resting under just about anything at his home. If she’s not hiding under something, she’s probably wrapped around something. Homegirl’s got the run of the house.

The other is slightly cuddlier, but not exactly your average housecat. Martin has a Savannah cat named Kovu, which are a hybrid breed of an African Serval and a domestic—they can set someone back as much as $35,000. Kovu also has the run of the house, his own furniture, and frequently dines on steak!

Smokey

Garry Jones/Associated Press

University of Tennessee Volunteers

Mascot: Smokey X

At Tennessee football home games in Knoxville, one of the biggest stars on the sideline from year-to-year is the Vols’ mascot Smokey, a pampered Bluetick Coonhound who has been known to get aggressive with the opposition on occasion. Smokey famously bit an Alabama player in 2006 and went after a Kentucky player in 2012. He wasn’t even penalized.

Although the breed has been bred for hunting, Smokey doesn’t look like he does much roughing it. His handlers are there to keep him safe from the action and anticipate his needs, like food, water and toilet. Smokey doesn’t even have to worry about those cold Appalachian fall days—he’s often spotted wrapped up in a bright orange blanket, looking positively regal.

Well, as regal as one can look in such an aggressive orange. In fact, Smokey and his blanket completely stole the show during a game last November.

Alana Blanchard's Precious Poms

Alana Blanchard, Surfer

Instagram ID: alanarblanchard

Surfer Alana Blanchard has an awful lot going for her. In addition to being one of the top female surfers in the world, she also happens to be one of the most beautiful women in the world, who just so happens to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world (Hawaii.)

That means her lively crew of dogs is most definitely living a life that is decidedly better than any of ours. Although Blanchard may have recently added a bulldog to her menagerie, she’s had a crew of at least three pampered Pomeranians by her side for years.

They may look like stuffed animals, but apparently her Poms are almost like real dogs!

Astro

David Price, Detroit Tigers

Instagram ID: davidprice14

Tigers pitcher David Price’s beloved French Bulldog, Astro, is a star in his own right at this point. In August of 2013, Astro received the “V.I.D. treatment at Dodger Stadium,” with Los Angeles using it as a counter-offer to Price’s suggestion they trade Yasiel Puig to Tampa Bay, where he played at the time.

When Price was traded to Detroit the following August, it only took a week for Astro to start making headlines in Motor City. With his adorably smooshed face and Frenchie smile, Price probably wouldn’t even have an Instagram account if it wasn’t for Astro, who seems to spend most of his days happily sunning himself.

Hank the Dog

Morry Gash/Associated Press

Milwaukee Brewers

Mascot: (unofficial) Hank the Dog

Hank the Dog has been the Brewers unofficial mascot since the 2014 season. He was found during spring training in Arizona and adopted by Milwaukee’s team vice president and general counsel, Marti Wronski. Hank was an instant sensation among the players and coaches in the desert, but an even bigger hit among fans back home.

Over the regular season Hank became a regular at Brewers home games, with fans of all ages lining up to meet him. After a standout rookie season, things culminated in August, when Hank the Dog got to meet Hank the Aaron—talk about worlds colliding!

Don’t worry about any sophomore slump for Hank, though, whose 2015 is off to a pretty impressive start. In January, he was awarded Dog of the Year at the World Dog Awards, which is, apparently, a thing! Hank wore a custom tailored tuxedo to the gala, where “he was presented his award by former NFL wide receiver Terrell Owens and hotel heiress Paris Hilton.”

Oso & Kuma

C.J. Wilson, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Instagram ID: cjwilsonphoto

Angels pitcher C.J. Wilson and his wife have two of the most adorably spoiled dogs in sports. Not only do Oso and Kuma get to enjoy the spoils that come along with being a professional athlete—great house, exotic vacations—they are lavished with attention.

So much so that they have an entire Instagram account, which is very active, dedicated to chronicling their daily lives. They even have their very own patio furniture, even though none of the human furniture is off limits!

Blue

Darron Cummings/Associated Press

Butler University Bulldogs

Mascot: Blue III

When Butler’s mascot Blue II died in 2013, the headline on TMZ read: “Spoiled Butler Bulldog Dead At Age 9.” And they definitely made the case that he was one pampered pooch in his day.

“Blue II was one of the most recognizable of all school mascots … appearing at every Butler men’s basketball game… and traveling like a rock star aboard the team’s chartered jet during the Final Four basketball championships in 2010 and 2011.”

From the looks of it, Blue III hasn’t missed a beat since ascending to the throne. He’s relishing in the spotlight, being doted on by his handlers and even starring in his very own training montages ahead of big sporting events.