The Top 10 Reasons the Cleveland Browns Will Not Win the Super Bowl

1. Because they suck.

2. They've never won a Super Bowl while being located in the city of Cleveland. In fact, the only time a franchise even remotely associated with Cleveland won a championship, it was after they LEFT town.

3. They have two QBs with zero talent.

4. No Bill Belichick disciple has ever had success outside of Belichick's staff.

5. They're the Browns.

6. Half their team will likely come down with a staph infection by Week Four.

7. Drew Carey's generated tons of bad karma by ruining The Price Is Right.

8. Seriously, they're the Browns. I'm writing this as satire, and I can't even come up with 10 witty reasons why they won't. They just won't. Because they suck.

9. You need to win more than two games to make the playoffs.

10. It's Cleveland. The Loser Capital of the World.