WWE RAW Rewind Returns With Two Words: We're Back!

This edition of the RAW Rewind is dedicated to Corporal Benjamin Stephen Kopp, nephew of WWE Hall of Famer Sgt. Slaughter. Kopp was killed in action in Afghanistan fighting for the very freedoms that we all share and enjoy every day. Cpl. Kopp, thanks for all your hard work and dedication to the defending the rights of Americans everywhere.

With that, here’s tonight’s edition of WWE RAW!

Tonight’s RAW in Calgary, AB, Canada opens up with the appearance of WWE Champion Randy Orton, who successfully defended his gold against the Big Show this past Saturday in Loveland, Colorado.

Orton starts out by saying that he’s been hearing rumors that he’s afraid of facing John Cena at Summerslam and that he bullied Jeremy Piven to do his dirty work.

He confirms that he did bully him, because he can. After chastising the fans in Calgary, he turns his attention to Summerslam and John Cena. As he continues his tirade, he is joined by his Summerslam opponent, John Cena.

Cena starts out by saying that he is very angry at Orton’s rumors and facts. He then makes it clear that he is truly ready to snap. He goes on to make it clear that he has had enough of Orton’s dirty tactics. Cena decides that the fight should happen tonight. All of a sudden, The Big Show and Chris Jericho make their way down to the ring…but why?

The Unified Tag Team Champions come out and make it clear that they are the ones that are intimidating. Jericho grabs the stick and makes it clear that they are in CANADA! After soaking in the cheers, Jericho announces that he wants to do something that he has never done before: Beat Cena in Calgary.

Orton grabs the mic and makes it clear that he will punt Cena in the skull after the bell. But Big Show has an announcement of his own: He is going to face…The WWE Champion, Randy Orton!

In the back, as Sgt. Slaughter rallies the troops, we learn that Triple H has traveled to Texas to find his long lost partner, Shawn Michaels, in hopes to reunite DX one more time.

Fatal Four Way To Determine the #1 Contender for Divas Championship

Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Fox vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Gail Kim

Fox and Phoenix start the physicality by slugging it out with Kelly and Kim. All four Divas go for pinfall after pinfall on each other. Fox breaks the pinfall attempts by delivering a backbreaker to Fox. As Kim drops to the floor, Kelly does everything in her power to get control, but a miscue allows Kim to return to deliver a missile dropkick.

Kim and Kelly slug it out on the top rope, but Beth shows her uncanny strength by picking both Kim and Kelly. Fox comes in and breaks the submission, but the two women argue before Fox is launched off the floor.

Kim recovers and delivers a splash in the corner before flying off the top rope to Fox. Kelly becomes the next to fly as she launches herself off the apron. Phoenix goes to the top, but Fox stops her in her tracks.

Fox delivers a dropkick to send Kelly out, but Kim delivers the Rising Sun to pick up the win and earn a shot at Mickie James and the Divas Championship.

Winner: Gail Kim

Following the bout, RAW’s Guest Host makes his first official appearance to the Canadian crowd. The Sarge comes out and gives mad props to the Canadian crowd in attendance…by saluting the Canadian Flag. He then turns it into a Canada SUCKS logo!

After bashing the crowd, he demands the crowd to stand up and pay respect to the good ol’ US of A by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance!

Back on the program, we take a look at last week’s ending to the Triple H-Legacy match before the arrival of the Oklahoma Gorilla.

“The All American Gorilla” Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

Swagger comes out swinging with some shots to the midsection, but Bourne bounces back with a drop toe hold and falling dropkick. Bourne starts flying with the Double Knee Drop. Back in the ring, Swagger catches Bourne with a knee to the spine.

But it’s clear that despite all that Bourne has done, Swagger gets the victory with his Swagger Bomb. After the bell, Swagger starts gloating, but he is quickly interrupted by MVP.

The Franchise Playa makes it clear that no one in Canada cares that he is an All American. MVP then challenges Swagger to a match…tonight. Swagger decides not to face MVP tonight…which leads MVP to shove Swagger down to the ground.

An embarrassed Swagger walks away with his tail between his legs. But coming up, we will find out how Triple H’s search for HBK is going.

Winner: Jack Swagger

Intermission: The Search for Shawn Michaels

Back on the program, Triple H manages to find Shawn Michaels…working as a Burger Chef in San Antonio. After he berates a little girl for ringing the bell incessantly, he gives a quick hi to Hunter before heading back to the grill.

The Sarge returns to the rowdy Canadian crowd with a present: Jillian singing God Bless America…yeah, I know, my ears are bleeding too.

WWE Contract on A Pole Match

Eugene vs. Calgary Kid

The Kid uses some ingenuity to briefly throw Eugene off, but Eugene recovers and delivers The Rock Bottom followed by the Eugene Elbow. Eugene starts to make his climb to the top of the pole. The two battle until The Kid drops him with a head butt. He then grabs the contract and gets the slot on RAW. After the bell, The Kid helps Eugene to his feet…only to drop him again with a Downward Spiral.

He then unmasks to reveal that The Calgary Kid is in fact…The Miz!

That’s right kids! The Miz has managed to con his way back onto RAW.

(Winner: The Calgary Kid aka The Miz)

Following a quick WWE Rewind, we are graced with the 2^nd presence of Randy Orton as he makes his way down to the ring for his match.

Randy Orton vs. Big Show

Orton tries to get the early advantage, but Big Show shows why he is one of the most dominant athletes in the WWE with a set of punches to the gut. He then locks in a neck vise.

Orton is practically helpless as Big Show just walks on the body of the WWE Champion before locking the vise in again. Show picks Orton up to the top rope and chops him over the top to the ground below.

Orton tries to fight back with a thumb to the eye followed by a dropkick and the Gateway DDT. Following the two-count, Orton then delivers the Mental Dissection. But when he goes for the RKO, Show bounces off and drops him again. He then delivers the Chokeslam, but Orton manages to get his foot on the rope.

As Show goes for the Knockout Punch, Orton slithers out of the ring. Orton would rather take the count out than get back into the ring with Big Show as Show gets the count out victory.

Winner: Big Show via Count Out

Back in Texas, Triple H is trying to figure out what is going on with his partner. After a child tosses a bowl of tater tots into the face of HBK, Triple H tries again to talk him into coming back. As Shawn tries to talk down the offer, his grill catches fire. After extinguishing the flames, HBK returns and tells Hunter he’s got two words for him: “I’m listening.”

MVP vs. Chris Masters

The two pick up where they left off two weeks ago with Masters getting early control. Masters begins to focus on the lower back and neck area of MVP, but Porter starts to fight back with a belly to belly followed by the knee drop.

After delivering the Ballin’ Elbow Drop, MVP goes for the Drive-By, but counters the Master Lock into the Playmaker to pick up the win and get a measure of revenge on the man who prevented him from Beating The Clock.

After the bell, MVP gets a visit from Swagger, but Masters is able to lock in The Master Lock thanks to the distraction. After Masters releases the Master Lock, Swagger drives MVP to the ground with the Swagger Bomb.

Winner: MVP

Back in Texas, Triple H continues to talk sense all the while helping Shawn run the grill in the cafeteria. All of a sudden, Shawn’s boss comes in and berates Michaels. Shawn comes around and super kicks the boss. Shawn takes Triple H on his offer, but before he does, he finally super kicks the whiny little brat before giving his former co-workers two words: “I QUIT!!” Also, a woman passing by helps them finish their trademark sentence: “S*CK IT!!”

Back in Calgary, The Sarge continues to poke fun at the Canadians by setting up a possible return of Bret Hart…only to get “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan instead.

Hornswoggle & Mark-Swoggle vs. The Legacy

Chavo comes out in street clothes and says that he is unable to compete, but he has found a replacement tag team…Legacy.

DiBiase gets dropped on his ass several times by Mark-Swoggle before tagging in Cody Rhodes. Rhodes comes in and gets pressed to the ground. Legacy tries to get control of the match, but it is Henry that drops both men with a double suplex. Ted gets leveled followed by Rhodes. Mark then catches DiBiase in the air and delivers the World’s Strongest Slam.

But Ted moves out of the way of the Tadpole Splash and delivers Dream Street to Hornswoggle. After the bell, Legacy makes it clear that they are not intimidated by the reformation of D-Generation X.

Winner: The Legacy

In the back, Chris Jericho almost guarantees that he will defeat John Cena tonight. Big Show comes in to talk about his match. But the camera continues to roll as Jericho begins to trash not only Calgary, but also Canada in general. But Jericho doesn’t know that the cameras are still on until Josh Matthews informs him of what we already know…his crowd may just turn on him tonight.

Back on RAW, we find out that next week’s Guest Host in my hometown of St. Louis will be Freddie Prinze, Jr. Following the rundown of the current Summerslam Card, Calgary once again is rocked by the arrival of John Cena.

Main Event

John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho starts off with a shoulder block, but as he goes for The Walls, Cena slips out to recompose himself. Both men try to size each other up, with Cena getting the upper hand with a shoulder block followed by a headlock. Jericho gets the advantage back with a baseball slide that sends Cena to the outside. Back in the ring, Jericho continues to deliver the punishment as the crowd begins to will Cena back to his feet.

Cena recovers and delivers a pair of flaying shoulders following the Beantown Bomb. Cena almost gets caught by a small package, but Cena fights out of it. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho counters it into the Walls of Jericho. Cena manages to roll out of the Walls and lock in the STF. Orton comes back in and causes the DQ.

Winner: John Cena via DQ

Jericho catches Cena off the distraction with a Codebreaker. After Orton sends Jericho out of the ring, Big Show drops Orton with a choke slam. The Sarge returns to the ring and makes a huge announcement: Big Show-icho vs. Randy Orton and John Cena next week in St. Louis.

With that, Cena and Orton eliminate the World’s Largest Athlete before Cena and Orton set up an AAKO (Attitude Adjustment Knock Out) on Chris Jericho before pacing around each other with RAW going off the air.