I have not been watching the Miss Universe pageant. Not even a little bit.
Now, however, having seen the delightful insanity that is Miss Canada’s nationally themed outfit, I am realizing the huge mistake I’ve made.
Chanel Beckenlehner, Canada’s offered tribute in the 2014 Miss Universe pageant, is wearing hockey—all of it.
From head to toe, Chanel is covered in the pride and joy of America’s top hat. The creativity and attention to detail is almost as spectacular as the fact that she’s able to move while wearing a (not-so) miniature scoreboard.
Note the hockey goal gown and the Stanley Cup weaved into the hair. She has hockey sticks as wings! Because the spirit of Canada flies over the ice!
I haven’t seen the other contestants, and I don’t know if I care to. Miss America likely looks ravishing in her flowing dress of football pads, Predator drone wings and prenuptial agreements, but facts are facts: When confronted with obvious brilliance, you must tip your cap.
Canada wins this round, gloves down. I have just one question, however: Who were the penalties on?
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