Cincinnati Reds Make Play for Wrong Third Baseman

Earth to Reds GM Walt Jocketty: What, uh, what was that trade?

Cincinnati just sent two of its best young pitchers, Josh Roenicke and Zach Stewart, to Toronto for Scott Rolen?  Did I read that correctly?  

I'm also being told by my sources that the Reds included Edwin Encarnacion in the swap.  I'm replying to my sources with a gigantic "So the f*** what?"

Scott Rolen, huh?  What is he, 50?  I vaguely remember when Rolen was a superstar in Philadelphia.  Yeah, must be because that was about ten years ago.  What's he done the past few years?  Anybody know?  A grand total of 28 homers in the past three campaigns.    

Wow, this is the first time in Reds history they've traded for or signed a former superstar who has one foot in the grave.  Oh wait, never mind.  Anybody remember Frank Viola?  Terry Pendleton?  Lee Smith?

Meanwhile, the perfect solution to Cincy's third base problem is smashing 600-foot home runs in Korea.  Yes, that's right.  I'm talking about none other than feared slugger Bum Ho Lee.  

Bum Ho, also known as the Korean Mike Schmidt, put on an absolute clinic in the World Baseball Classic when The Man Himself went 8-for-20 with three tape-measure taters.  (Pictured above rounding third after another upperdeck line-drive bomb)

I guess Jocketty and owner Bob Castellini were too busy scurrying to Country Kitchen Buffet for the four o'clock dinner special to tune in to see Bum Ho launch baseballs to the moon.

Instead of the obvious choice (Bum Ho mamma jamma Lee), the Reds went with a slow, old, injury-prone has-been who costs over $10 million!   Way to go, guys!  The perfect solution to a ridiculously over-inflated 2010 payroll.  Well done.

Nice f*ckin' decade, Reds.