What do you call a guy hitting under .200 with zero home runs and four RBI after playing just 47 games in the baseball season's first four months?
Jim Hendry would call him a millionaire.
He should call him unemployed.
Aaron Miles, the "versatile" midget replacement for Mark DeRosa, was signed during the across-the-board failure that was the Cubs' 2008-2009 offseason, yet he is somehow still on the Cubs' roster.
In fact, I would argue that the best contribution Miles has made to the 2009 Chicago Cubs was his time on the disabled list; by being hurt, he wasn't available to underachieve.
His on-base percentage, as of Aug. 5, is .235; if Lou Piniella bats Miles second in the Cubs' batting order again, that might be my blood-alcohol level.
But, because Hendry was feeling charitable this winter, he gave Miles a two-year, $4.9 million contract. That's right, folks. Miles is here through next season, too.
If I scratched my head until that made sense, I would be completely bald.