Dear Patriot Fans, Your Team Cheated!

Dear Patriot Fans,

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s global warming. 

Not only because it’s melting the ice caps and killing polar bears, but because meat producers have come under fire for the overwhelming amount of greenhouse gases their cows put into our atmosphere.  

I love steak—and if someone eventually asks me to choose between my earth and my filet, it’s gonna be a tough call.  

If there’s another thing I hate, it’s cheating.

And as with global warming, I also hate when people defend cheating or downplay its harmful consequences.

If only you, New England Patriot fans, could find it in your hearts to agree with me.  

Ever since Videogate hit the front pages, the rest of us have had to endure your laundry list of excuses and complaints. 

It’s getting kind of old.

But just for the fun of it, let’s review some of my personal faves:   

1. Videotaping Didn’t Give the Patriots a Competitive Advantage.

It didn’t?  Then why did Belichick do it? 

Why would a coach who’s often referred to as a genius risk fines, suspensions, draft picks, and the validity of your Super Bowl legacy if there was no advantage to be gained?  

2. The Media’s Making It into a Bigger Story Than It Really Is.

Look, I know the media blows things out of proportion.  If they didn’t, I wouldn’t still be seeing Britney Spears' halfhearted attempt at a comeback on my TV everyday.  

But let’s get real. 

This is a big sports story.  The best NFL franchise of the decade was caught cheating.  Are you going to sit there and tell me that it wouldn’t have been a huge story if evidence of cheating surfaced around the Chicago Bulls teams of the 1990s?  

Of course it would have been.  So let’s not blame the evil, all-powerful liberal media for this one. 

3. People Just Hate the Patriots Because of How Good They Are.

New England is one of the best franchises in the NFL, and so far this season the Pats look unbeatable. 

When a team is great, there's an inevitable amount of backlash that comes with it.  That’s the price of being a champion.

But another thing fans hate is when the integrity of the game is called into question.  You need look no further than this summer’s sports headlines. 

Barry Bonds and Tim Donaghy were debated on an almost daily basis.  Why?  Because both of those men contributed to the perception that their sports were dirty.   

But rather than understand that fans merely want to see a level playing field, you assume that everyone is out to get the Patriots. 

I have to also assume that black vans follow you guys wherever you go.  

4. Roger Goodell’s Punishment Is Too Harsh.

More like it wasn’t harsh enough. 

The combined $750k fine is like Monopoly money to a millionaire coach and an NFL franchise.  And if the Patriots lost every pick they had in the 2008 NFL Draft, it wouldn’t prevent them from contending next year. 

Losing one pick, even if it's a first-rounder, is basically a slap on the wrist.  

Personally, I think they should’ve lost two or three picks, and Belichick should’ve been suspended for two to five games. 

After all, he was caught cheating. 

When Shawne Merriman was caught cheating last season, he was hit with a mandatory four-game suspension. 

"Inconsistent" is a word that comes to mind.     

5. Players and Fans Keep Implying the Pats Wins Are Tainted.

Let’s try a hypothetical situation. 

Imagine another NFL team—let’s say, I don't know, the Indianapolis Colts—were caught cheating this season.  And as part of the investigation, it was revealed that they had been cheating for at least a season or two.

Are you Pats guys really going to sit there and tell me you wouldn’t be screaming from the mountaintops that Indy must’ve been cheating when they beat you in the AFC Championship Game?  

Most Pats fans can’t stop talking about the pass interference call in that playoff game against Denver.  And that was a year and half ago! 

Please, Pats fans, let’s stop pretending you'd be above criticizing a cheating team if the shoe were on the other foot.

Personally, I don’t think videotaping other teams’ defensive signals was what put the Pats over the top all these years.  It may have helped them along the way, but ultimately they were the better team in those three Super Bowls.  

Still, the bottom line is THEY CHEATED! 

And when a player or team is caught cheating, they must be punished.  I don’t know how much clearer I can make it.   

So let’s stop taking umbrage with every non-Patriots fan who speaks out against New England.  You guys should spend your free time more constructively. 

Perhaps you could put your heads together and invent a way to harness cow gas and turn it into clean-burning fuel. 

You’d be helping in the fight against global warming, and we could all continue to eat steak.  

Patriotically yours, 

Dave