They Try To Make Me Go To Rehab I Say No, No, No (Humor)

Tyler WilliamsAnalyst IIIAugust 3, 2009

They say I am crazy that I have an addiction that I am stuck in my own world. They tried to make me go to rehab but I say No…..No…..No.


I have to have I need my dosage every day if I don’t get it I start to itch and crave. Being without my addiction is just wrong.

My so called friends and family are trying to take it away from me but I am not going to let them.

My name is Tyler Williams and this is my story.

I love and enjoy sports I have played baseball, football, basketball, and wrestling.

But my love for those can’t be topped by my addiction…

I am addicted to

Mom: He is not the same any more he use to smile, was very fun to be around. But ever since this B/R or whatever the hell you call it came into his life he has gone crazy.

I need my daily fix I cannot go 1 hour without my Bleacher Report.

When I am thriving for my daily dose at work I sink in the bath room with my phone and check how many reads I received on my latest article.

When I log in chills just run down my back it’s a high that no other site can touch.

It gets your pulse running.

Anonymous friend: Sometimes he talks to himself he keeps on brining up this Shane guy and how he is so funny. I think it’s all in his head though he has just snapped.

One day he even told me he doesn’t need me as a friend any more as he has 44 of them now.

My Mom and my so called close friends have been watching me every move and have even took a way my lap top. So now I go to the library to get my fix.

As I am walking into the library I get goose bumps as I will soon be with my love once again I could feel it my fingers started to quiver and shake.

I hop on the computer with joy and excitement.

The guy next to me should have stayed home I can see what his addiction is. After a few hours he runs to the bath room with some hand lotion.

I log into the site and see that I received 6 POTD I started to get an all time high.

I went to the Wrestling Section Rankings and noticed that I am number 19 now. I laugh with joy as this morning my Mom told me I would not amount to nothing with Bleacher Report.

She was just mad because I bought her a B/R shirt for her birthday (man can she hold a grudge).

The library starts to close but I am not willing to stop my time with B/R.

The Librarian comes up to me and demands I get off.

(I reply back) “Don’t you see I am handling business?  I have 30 comments to reply to your just jealous that you don’t even receive 30 comments in a year on how good you look, because you don’t look good for your information. ”

(The police come and arrest me)

While I was in jail I was asked what I was in for I answered back “For being bleacher report, what “For repping b/r we go hard, what you want to mess with me? I know trolls that will hack up your systems and make your computer get a virus just like your girlfriend. You want some of this?”

Jail mate: Um no…

Me: Thought so.

I was bailed out by my Mom and thought I would directly go home but it was all a set up as I was heading to my own intervention.


Host: Do you know why you’re here.

Tyler: No I do not this is all a set up you guys don’t know what you’re talking about. Bleacher Report will rule the world.

Mom: What did I tell you about this damn site? It will not do anything for you, it will not amount you to nothing its hurting your life. Your eyes have dark circles around them for staying on that site 24/7.

Tyler: I am not going to amount to nothing on Bleacher Report? Why am I ranked number 19 in the Wrestling Section trick?


Mom: What you call me (she takes off her shoe and runs towards me).

Tyler: (I get up and run) Child abuse help….Child abuse…She needs rehab.

(After an hour of running the situation was calm down and we all sat down)

Anonymous friend: Tyler you don’t need this site, I am your true friend some of them don’t even use their real names like that guy Dub Sizzle. What is a Dub Sizzle? Any ways Remember you told me you hate them all for not voting for your article.

Tyler: Lies all lies….La la I’m not listening your all fake you guys are not real. I am typing an article and my head right now and if I don’t publish it in two hours I am going to be pissed.

Host: Tyler you need help you need to go to treatment, Tyler will you go to rehab?

Tyler: No, no, no I will not go kiss my ass guy.

Mom: Tyler you need to go if you don’t go I will break your lap top.

Tyler: No you better not… (I pause to think about it)Fine I will go.

(Few months later)

I told them it wouldn’t work as this is my third damn article I wrote today.


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