2009 SEC All-Name Team

So, I have seen the media's preseason SEC teams.  I have glanced over the coaches All-SEC teams.  I know the names.  I know the schools those players come from.  They are household. 

It's about time I see some different names.  It's about time to unveil the conference's All-Name team.  These players will not make any all-conference teams.  Heck, you may not see them all year unless your eyes stray from the field and the cheerleaders and wind up looking at the end of the bench.  I know you have been waiting. 

Offense 1st Team:

QB  Star Jackson (Alabama) 

A guy who plays quarterback for Alabama named Star?  Match made in heaven.

RB  Steele Hull (LSU)

I have never tried to tackle a steele hull, but I would assume it would be very difficult to bring down.

RB  TJ Pridemore (Florida)

Might have to change his name to Prideless after realizing he won't get any playing time as a big back at Florida.

WR Nu'Keese (Nuke) Richardson (Tennessee)

Tennessee's new weapon of choice.

WR Scott Spurrier (South Carolina)

Yes, that Spurrier...

WR Alex Russian (LSU)

"The Russians are coming, the Russians are coming."

TE  Foxy Foxworth (South Carolina)

I cannot figure out whether his parents have a very vivid imagination or none at all, but I love this name

OL  Justin Cabbagestalk (Vanderbilt)

6'3, 275 pounds.  Clearly, the saying "You are what you eat" does not apply here.

OL  Maurice Hurt (Florida)

If he either gets injured or injures someone else, you can't say you didn't see it coming.

OL  Dustin Luck (Kentucky)

Better to be lucky than good?  Dustin thinks so.

OL  T-Bob Hebert (LSU)

New Orleans Saints' Bobby Hebert's nephew follows the Cajun/Creole tradition of sporting the T in front of his first name, which stands for petite or little.  At 6'3 and nearly 300 pounds, I find this name laughable.

OL  Taylor Quick (Ole Miss)

At 6'4, 310 pounds, I find this name laughable. 

Defense 1st Team:

DL  Adam Smotherman (Vanderbilt)

Smother: To stifle or suffocate;  Man: Adult male....Perfect.

DL  Mister Cobble (Kentucky)

Mister is just a freshman.  He will have to earn our respect.

DL  Tim Fugger (Vanderbilt)

Say this name with a southern accent and the old lady sitting next to you in the stadium might just slap you.

DL  Ladi Ajiboye (South Carolina)

Here is my token unpronounceable name.

LB  Charlie Higgenbotham (Alabama)

Hee..hee

LB  Shaq Wilson (South Carolina)

I always thought the name Shaq belonged on the football field.

LB  Darius Dewberry (Georgia)

Sweetest name is sports.

DB  Bacarri Rambo (Georgia)

Rambo: A fanatically militant or violently aggresive person.  Yes!!

DB  Art Evans (Tennessee)

Playing defensive back is an Art, not a science.

DB  Rod Woodson (Alabama), DB  Neiko Thorpe (Auburn)

These two names have a lot to live up to.

K/P Ryan Shoemaker (Auburn)

Need I say more?