15 Hilariously NSFW Angry Fan Rants

Sports fans are in a unique position: They live and die by the success or failure of their favorite teams, yet have zero control over the outcome.

For sports fans, game night is like a Being John Malkovich situation; they're living vicariously through the heroics and failures of the person under pressure, but it doesn't feel that way.

So, when a person's emotions are tethered to a situation beyond their influence and that situation ends in a way that...isn't good...that vicarious bond is shattered and replaced by unfettered rage.

Like a middle-aged parent who regrets his or her life choices, but obviously can berate themselves, the team and/or player becomes the focus of the bewildered rage.

And with the capability to capture and publish this angst no further away than their jort pocket, YouTube has become a treasure trove of convoluted, unhinged fan outbursts.

The scary part is...we all know we're not that different; we're an extra beer, shot or crushing loss away from broadcasting our own version of the hilariously angry fan rant. 

Angry Miami Fan Rant

Video Warning: Angry Swears

Following an embarrassing 52-13 loss to Kansas State in September 2012, former Miami player Dan Sileo could not (or would not) contain his anger while railing about the Hurricanes’ pathetic performance, particularly on defense, on his WQAM Miami radio show. (He has since relocated for a job in San Diego.) 

Sileo played for Miami in the mid- to late-'80s—the beginning of the team’s heyday which spanned approximately a decade. Clearly displeased with the state of the program, he railed about the lack of respect for the Hurricanes, the result of their collective inability to hit…anyone. At one point Sileo even suggests stabbing the opposition, if only to prove they actually care. 

Because nothing says you care like drawing blood in a one-sided knife fight. 

Angry Maple Leafs Fan Rant

In February 2012 one of the Toronto Maple Leafs’ chronically downtrodden fans called up a local radio station to angrily vent after an embarrassing loss to the rival Montreal Canadiens. So despondent was he that throwing 30 names into a hat and picking a new team sounded better than being a Leafs fan—something he’d do if he didn’t have a tattoo. 

Things get dicey between the host and Frank the first-time caller when he becomes concerned about potentially getting cut off after almost five full minutes of air time. Through a Canadian accent so thick it must have been sent from heaven, Frank complains about having to spend $1,000 (Canadian) to see the Leafs play…at one point…or another…or several points. 

Eventually Frank gets dumped and becomes the butt of jokes between the host and many callers that follow. 

Angry Browns Fan Rant

In December 2011 Cleveland comedian Mike Polk filmed this angry Browns rant outside the stadium before what would become the team’s billionth loss to the supposed division rival Pittsburgh Steelers. While it’s fair to say the dynamic between those two teams might finally be changing, three years ago it was a completely different story. 

An antagonized Polk compares the teams’ rivalry to that of the Harlem Globetrotters and the Washington Generals or Verizon Wireless and Boost Mobile. He continues, “I respect the Steelers, and yes that hurts. I respect their organization and I respect their dumb luck. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still hate the Steelers. They are whiny. And they are cocky. And they are thugs.”

And that’s where it gets really angry. Polk saves his ragiest rage for Steelers fans, railing about their attitude, arrogance, sense of entitlement, accent, stupid little yellow towels and the fact that they aren’t really loyal fans because their team doesn’t suck as tragically, epically and historically as the Browns.

Apparently the Browns suckiness has made the entire population of Cleveland substantially better human beings than can be found pretty much anywhere else on Earth. Honestly, though, the whole video is worth a watch, as are some of Polk's other rants—and that's coming from a Steelers fan. 

Angry Manchester United Fan Rant

For anyone unaware, Manchester United is like the Yankees, Lakers or Cowboys of the Barclays Premier League. Like, if LeBron James was going to be a fan of a team that wasn’t Liverpool (which he likes because he’s an investor), it would be Manchester United (which has too many power-player investors as it is). 

Despite their bloated payroll and long history of domination, Man U’s fans are just as belligerent as those of any perennial bottom feeder in the BPL. After a 3-0 defeat at the hands of Manchester City in March 2014, a man identified as “Mr. Tate” was interviewed for the FullTimeDEVILS YouTube Channel.

In his glorious Scottish accent, Mr. Tate declared (now former) manager David Moyes the biggest fool in Manchester, just in time for April Fool’s Day! And he was obviously onto something because less than a month later, Moyes was fired. 

Angry Jaguars Fan Rant

Video Warning: Angry Swears [Probably—It’s Really Long]

The best part of this Jacksonville Jaguars fan rant from September 2013 is not now angry it is, but how self-conscious the fan who posted it is about the video and everything contained within it. Prior to its start a disclaimer appears: “PLEASE READ DESCRIPTION BEFORE YOU WATCH THIS VIDEO!!! I APPRECIATE IT.” 

The description is too long and expletive-filled to include in its entirety, but here’s the basic gist: “I was extremely nervous of making this video so please don't make fun of me because of it or like I'm terrible of making speeches. If you think this video sucks then I'm sorry, I didn't like how it turned out afterwards anyway too. I just had to make a statement and express how I feel about my team, … because they suck so [f—ing] hard that they deserve to be in a high school division and it sickens me to deal with that fact.”

For someone that was so nervous, it’s really impressive that he’s able to ramble on for more than 13 minutes. You’ve got to appreciate his passion, and the fact that he doesn’t seem to think Tim Tebow is their savior, but he’s been posting lame stuff on YouTube for two years now. Just own it, dude. 

Angry Cowboys Fan Rant

Video Warning: Angry Swears

The man behind TheDallasCowboysShow YouTube channel has been producing weekly videos with impressive regularity for years now—sometimes he does two or three in a single week. Much like the play of the Cowboys themselves, the overall tone of these videos have taken on a much more pleasing tone this season, but for years it was nothing but rage. 

Although there are a lot of gems in the roughly two million rants Jon Shango has posted, one of the best is from September 2012, following a 27-7 loss to the Seahawks. Seattle surprised with its success that season, but at that point it was coming off a 7-9 season and wasn't expected to do all that much. 

Credit to Shango for warning people straight away to get the kids out of the room, because he really unleashed. He starts off by declaring the loss the most “disgusting thing” he’s seen in a long time, and it was only downhill from there for Dallas. 

Angry Broncos Fan Rant

Video Warning: Angry Swears Aplenty 

Everyone knows the Denver Broncos got absolutely waxed by the Seahawks in Super Bowl XLVIII, but show me anyone who says he or she predicted a 43-8 shellacking, the third-largest blowout in Super Bowl history, and I’ll show you a liar! 

Uploaded by a friend, the (let’s be real, likely very drunk) woman in this video stomps, and occasionally stumbles, around her living room, empty wine glass in hand, shouting about the various ways in which her beloved Broncos failed on the NFL’s biggest stage. 

It doesn’t take long for her to get to Peyton Manning, whose play she classifies as that of a 12-year-old, despite any misapprehensions he was operating under regarding his own greatness. Or lack thereof, as the case may be. She may be drunk and belligerent, but she makes a few good points. 

Angry WWE Fan Rant

Video Warning: Angry Swears Aplenty

In January 2014, a WWE fan got really upset over Batista winning the Royal Rumble and stomped around his house in a rage, flipping over furniture WWE style along the way. He screams something unintelligible about Batista leaving something for something before winning the Rumble, which seems relevant to his rage, but not interesting enough to fully explore. 

After that he throws some more stuff, gets weepy and then gets totally angry again, making his way to a dirty room that seems to be specifically designated for DVDs of predetermined wrestling matches, garbage, empty boxes and absolutely no furniture, aside from a cheap office desk chair.

The girl filming the incident giggles at the door as he slams it in her face, before daring to re-enter his dirty domain. She finds him in the same state as she left him, standing in the corner of the room, violently slamming a desk light onto one of his many piles of crap. 

Maybe the whole thing is as fake and scripted as the WWE itself, but the spectacle is just as entertaining as anything you’ll see on Monday Night Raw. 

Angry Knicks Fan Rant

Video Warning: Angry Swears Aplenty

In December 2013, an angry New York Knicks fan posted this video to YouTube, going full on crazy pants after a humiliating 41-point loss to the rebuilding Celtics. Considering the season they had and the unforgivable futility of the franchise which dates back decades, angry Knicks fan had a pretty legitimate reason to be angry. 

Emboldened by the attention and the page views he received the first time around, angry Knicks fan was back at it just a few weeks later, this time with a super sweary rant about J.R. Smith. There’s always something to be said for the original, but for some reason I’m partial to the sequel in this particular instance. 

Here's some more of the Angry Knicks fan—thanks to Grantland for compiling his greatest hits. 

Angry Mets Fan Rant

Video Warning: Angry Swears Aplenty

At this point, is there any other kind of New York Mets fan besides angry? Probably not. That being said, YouTube user NAaaVspace has posted an enormous number of comically terrible videos over the last two years, but nothing as impressive as this 17-minute rant against the Mets. 

Seriously! 17 minutes! David Wright probably couldn’t talk about the Mets for 17 minutes if you paid him, so how this guy manages this is one of the world’s great mysteries. He bounces between sadness, anger and indignant acceptance countless times throughout the video. 

Though in between all that emotion, the Mets will be thrilled to know that he’s got all the answers, just like every other disgruntled sports fan in New York. 

Angry Michigan Fan Rant

Video Warning: Angry Swears Aplenty [Probably]

This season’s game between Michigan and Notre Dame was the final game of a rivalry that dates back to 1978, a rivalry that really heated up in recent years and with an ending that was leaving the Wolverines with a very bad taste in their mouths. The Irish claimed they “couldn’t” keep playing them, per Sports Illustrated, “but two days before kickoff [announced] … a series with Ohio State,” Michigan’s most bitter of rivals. 

All that drama just added another layer to what is always a dramatic matchup anyway. So when Michigan got obliterated by Notre Dame 31-0 in early September, Paul in Toledo called up a local radio show and straight up lost his mind. Though some of his words are barely intelligible because he’s got his radio on through the whole thing, Paul’s level of anger is clearly conveyed. 

Angry Browns Fan Rant

Video Warning: Angry Swears Aplenty

When the Browns lost to the Steelers in Week 1 this year, it looked like business as usual for football fans in The Cleve, who have been living the NFL version of Groundhog Day since the team returned via expansion in 1999. 

When the Browns went down 27-3 to the Steelers by halftime, one irate fan furiously fumed in his car, filming his angry recap of the first half while he drove around. Not only is it terribly dangerous to record videos while driving, it’s generally ill-advised to broadcast an apoplectic post-mortem until after the game is over. 

Cleveland did end up losing the game, but they dominated the entire second half and damn near pulled out a win. The Browns beat up on the Steelers in Week 6, too, easily defeating them 31-10. All of which makes this guy’s uncorked rage even more hilarious. 

Angry Red Sox Fan

Video Warning: Occasional Angry Swears

Meet Bobby Gaines, Red Sox super fan. He’s been posting videos on YouTube for years—some are sports related, others are just ridiculously clumsy commentary on society—and his dedication is to be commended. To date, he’s posted a total of 472 videos, the vast majority of which have well under 100 views. 

That’s exactly what makes some of his Red Sox rants so amazing. Coming off a surprise World Series victory in 2013, a lot of of normally irrationally angry Boston fans were probably resting comfortably on their laurels this season. After all, until just over a decade ago they had such a proud tradition of predictable postseason failure for almost a century. 

Meanwhile, Beantown treasure Gaines was home alone in his messy bedroom in late July, rocking his awkwardly placed ball cap and least-dirty tank top, breaking down all the ways in which this season’s Red Sox were not last season’s Red Sox. 

Gaines’ rants are equal parts sarcastic and pedantic, but with that bossy know-it-all-ness you’ve come to expect from belligerent Boston fans. 

Angry Canadiens Fan Rant

This is one of the angriest fan rants sustained over a minute that I’ve ever heard. Usually people have to build up to this kind of rage, but this Canadiens fan is stab-you-in-the-face peeved from beginning to end, calling for the heads of every coach in Montreal on a platter. 

What’s uh-mazing about this tirade is that it came after a playoff loss to the Capitals in April 2010, in a series the Habs would go on to win 4-3. They also defeated the Penguins in seven before being easily bested by the Flyers 4-1. It sure would’ve been great to hear from this guy following the elimination. 

Unfortunately, he’s probably been incapacitated due to a stress-related stroke ever since.

Alabama Fan Phyllis

There may be no other state in which the collective well being of the population depends more on the outcome of college football games than Alabama. Things are pretty serious at Auburn, but they’ve gotten a bit out of control in Tuscaloosa during Nick Saban’s reign. The Tide have won three of the last five national championships, with very few losses along the way, which may be why their fanbase goes into full meltdown mode on the rare occasion they lose. 

After Alabama’s recent loss to Ole Miss, ESPN’s Colin Cowherd told ESPN’s Paul Finebam that the Tide’s dynasty was officially over. A very divergent opinion from that of Phyllis from Mulga, Alabama, who called in to personally rebut “Cowturd,” a nickname she repeats several times for emphasis. Phyllis dismisses “Cowturd” as jealous, and her rage builds magnificently as she makes her case, most of which seems to be built on the fact that she really loves Alabama and really hates Colin Cowturd. 

Phyllis eventually runs out of nonsense to yell about before signing off with a closing statement so glorious and befitting the Yellow Hammer State (which is obviously a Civil War reference) that they should seriously consider putting it on the state’s license plates: “Kiss my butt. Roll Tide.” Saying everything and nothing all at once, Phyllis was truly the voice of Bama Nation in that moment.