Daily dump: ESPN will softly crush us all

Well, at least that’s over.

ESPN finally acknowledged the big pink elephant in the middle of the room late Wednesday, deciding to “cover” the Ben Roethlisberger civil case by plastering a lousy Associated Press wire story on their website. The case was also mentioned on the air, albeit briefly. We could skewer the Bristol blowhards for their latest journalistic brain fart, but it would pale in comparison to the blistering they’ve already been getting for two days over at Pro Football Talk.

And frankly, it really doesn’t matter anyway. If this entire episode has taught us anything, it’s that ESPN’s power and reach within the sports entertainment industry have become so vast that the network’s execs can do what they want, when they want, and there’s not a damn thing any of us can do about it. If ESPN decides something is a story, then it’s a story. If they decide to bury a story, then it doesn’t exist at all.

You can do things like bury stories about popular and marketable NFL quarterbacks being accused of sexually assaulting women when you control an entire industry. While it was ignoring the Roethlisberger story for most of the day Wednesday, the network did announce that it has taken over TV rights for the Texas Bowl. Now granted, the Texas Bowl is about as meaningless as a bowl game can get, but the point is the Bristol Behemoth is now one tiny step closer to re-branding the entire industry of sports entertainment in its own name.

They are giants. They’re the Godzilla of sports entertainment. But they want us all to know that they’re beasts with a heart of gold.

“Based on the sensitive nature of the (Roethlisberger) story and other factors we mentioned, we initially exercised caution and did not report it,” read the statement released by the company Wednesday night. “Since then, we’ve been observing how the story has progressed, monitoring other news outlets, and doing our own reporting. We decided to report the story tonight.”

Mischa Barton

Interesting. Let’s move on with some warmed-over crap we like to call our Daily Dump o’ Links …

- Sharapova’s Thigh, we couldn’t agree more with your assessment of the Zapruder-like video of Lebron getting dunked on … it’s Lamey McLamelame.

- Michael Vick, former inmate, current and future dipshit. (The Big Lead)

- Seth Rogen calls “Entourage” creator a “moron.” We love Rogen, but anyone who can make a mountain of money off that pile-of-shit show can’t be a complete moron. (Movieline.com)

- Tony Bernazard is one batshit-crazy assistant general manager. And we love him for it. (Baseball Musings)

- Speaking of batshit-crazy, you know you’re in bad shape when Lindsay Lohan thinks you’re in bad shape. Good luck, Mischa. (Starpulse.com)

- Beavers could be moving to Beaverton. Place your pre-orders for jerseys now by calling 1-800-IMA-DOUCHEBAG. (Oregonlive.com)

- And finally, 15 questions with Tim Tebow. We’re partial to No. 3 ourselves. (With Leather)