AHL Team Holds Open Tryouts for Team Mascot, Wonderful Awkwardness Ensues
The American Hockey League is a lawless place.
Teams churn out ugly jerseys by the bushel and have been known to rack up more penalty minutes in one game than points in a season.
The AHL is a monument to humanity's capacity for shameless self-expression, and its greatest gift yet is a video of a recent mascot tryout.
.jpg?w=256 "Colts Jaguars Football")
The Glens Falls Post-Star (h/t Barstool Sports) posted footage of an audition held by the Adirondack Flames (formerly known as the Abbotsford Heat). It is uncomfortable and spectacular.
Contestants sitting in a Parks and Recreation-style public forum took turns busting out their best mascot moves. None wore costumes, but all tried their very hardest.
It's difficult to say who "won" this contest.
There's plenty to be said for Megan Steele, who took advantage of her surroundings with a chair-punishing rendition of "The Safety Dance." Peter Graham also put on a strong showing for the single-shouldered community with his churn-it-up boogie to Michael Jackson's "Beat It."
Ben Kinne: yawn-dancer.
The smart money is betting on 37-year-old Walter White lookalike Jimmy Gracievski, whose dance to "Right Round" perfectly captured the existential angst of an AHL goalie realizing he had thrown away the best years of his life chasing a pipe dream. Between his flair for movement and his dogged determination to ignore all other acts, Gracievski proved he doesn't goof around when it comes to the business of goofing around.
Also, shoutout to "#SELFIE." You go, girl.
Say what you will about their moves, but the residents of Glens Falls left it all on the floor—the gray, budget-carpet floor.
As for the winner, well, that's yet to be decided.
Christina Scanlon of the Glens Falls Post-Star reports that the team has yet to select a victor from the six individuals who stepped up to perform but will choose an applicant who is "energetic and can increase the level of excitement our fans receive on a game-by-game basis."
We eagerly await its decision but realize this is just a formality. You can't beat Gracievski. Surly is the new excitable.
Follow Dan on Twitter for more sports and pop culture news.
.jpg?w=480 "Colts Jaguars Football")
