Dear City of Cleveland: Our Bad!

To: The City of Cleveland

From: Irene & Abe Pollin, owners of Washington Wizards, and John "Papa John" Schnatter, owner and founder of Papa John's Pizza

Dear Cleveland:

On behalf of the Washington Wizards, and Papa John's Pizza all around Washington, D.C., we would like to apologize for our stupidity and ignorance in regards to one of your icons, LeBron James.

At the time, we thought we could get inside your boy's head. We thought we could mess him up before the series even started.

Man, were we so wrong?

Instead of knocking him off his game, he stepped it up another notch. He flat out ripped us a new one.

It kind of bites us in the ass to know that we could have traded up for him, but we didn't think that far ahead into the future. Instead, our players will have to sit at home and watch TIVO'd reruns of "The Hills" and “American Idol.”

We would also like to apologize for Mr. Brendan Haywood's immature comments prior to the ending of the series.

Even though it made a great sound bite for the series, we would like to make it known that we do not condone our players turning themselves into inconsiderate third graders.

Know that Mr. Haywood has been placed into timeout and his Playstation 3 was taken away for one week.

I (Papa John) would like to apologize for the creation of the shirt that most likely cursed the Wizards more than doing them some good. The shirt was boring, not thought out, and irresponsible.

Besides, we couldn't even get the team's color on the shirts prior to game time.

Even though the fans won't be as apologetic as we are, just know that I would have loved to give you all free pizzas, but I still have to earn a profit... So I can pay for the shirts, of course.

Hopefully the pizza will be enough to make up for our ignorance.

We (The Pollins) again apologize on behalf of our fans, our team, and our pizza chain. Good luck against Boston in the next round. Hopefully, they don't make the same mistake we did.

And as an added bonus, please accept this coupon for free breadsticks and use it when you order your $0.23 pizza.

With our Humble Apologies,

The Pollins and Papa John's