NBA Creates Rule Allowing for Four-Point Shot (Satire)

Not even Kobe Bryant with his four NBA championships has been able to fill the void left in the NBA when Michael Jordan retired for a third time while he embarked on a “I really, really, really, really mean it this time!” farewell tour with the Washington Wizards.

And with famous bad boy Dennis Rodman deciding to embark on reality television shows rather than lace up his shoes and grab rebounds, the NBA is now featuring a new rule to increase scoring and generate more excitement.

The four-point shot.

Effective this next season, any shot made from behind the half-court line will count for four points.

This means the shots made at the end of quarters, halves and desperation shots at the end of games could have a bigger impact on the game’s outcome.

If a player is fouled while shooting a four-point shot and does not make the shot, he’ll be given four free throws. If he makes the shot, he’ll be given a free throw for the possibility of five total points.

“We couldn’t convince Michael to make a fourth comeback, and a lot of people still are leery of Kobe because of his sexual assault trial, so we’re desperate to generate excitement,” said NBA commissioner David Stern.

Other potential new rules include: requiring players with Chinese or Japanese-Kanji tattoos to submit the characters and their translations to the commissioner’s office before final approval is granted, switching from burnt orange to bright orange for the official game ball color, and ordering the Utah Jazz to return its team nickname to New Orleans.