Atlanta Hawks, Is Mr. Anderson our Neo?

David Anderson is coming. 

I woke up this morning to Atlanta sports talk station 790 the Zone, talking about the Atlanta Hawks 2002 NBA draft choice coming to the States to replace Zaza Pachulia. 

Is Anderson the one player that the Hawks have been looking for to solve their front court problems with the eminent departure of the mercurial Zaza Pachulia? 

Is he the one, our neo, our Mr. Anderson?  Probably not, I prefer the Mr. Anderson known as the Birdman.  I am leery of counting on someone that would be an NBA rookie.  I know he is a professional, but playing in the NBA is a whole different level of competition. 

What if David Anderson is the Neo that the city of Atlanta has been waiting for?

What if David Anderson is the one, the one answer to every sports dilemma in the ATL.  Anderson, the professional sports problem solver, a rescuer, a panacea, if you will, for all ailments on the Atlanta sports scene.  The answer to every Atlanta sports fan’s wildest dreams in 2009. 

Neo had to save humanity from the Matrix, but David Anderson only must tackle ten tough tasks. 

Here is a quick list of the top ten tasks facing Mr. Anderson who likely is wearing some black sunglasses after arriving from Europe on a charter jet, you know this is a fantasy article if Mr. Anderson were the one, would the Atlanta Spirit Group cough up the money to charter a jet for him, probably not.

1.  Bring some power hitting and run production to the Braves’ outfield.  Anderson could play left field, hit for power, drive in runs, and fix Jeff Francoeur’s swing.  All Frenchie needs is a cool mate to tweak his swing.  Anderson can be that guy.

2.  Work with Derek Lowe on his mechanics.  Anderson has some insight to get the sinker ball to sink again.  All he would have to do is describe to Lowe the basic physics behind the boomerang and Lowe can get the sinker sinking again. 

3.  Anderson can give Braves GM Frank Wren advice on how to deal with aging washed up pitchers.   Remember how Bodi tutored Johnny Utah in the movie Point Break?  Anderson has that beach vibe, zen master attitude to help Wren with player relations.  With his ability to see into the future, Anderson probably would not even have signed Glavine in the first place.

4.  Can David Anderson rush the passer in the NFL?  At the very least he can knock down a few passes for the Atlanta Falcons’ defense.  You know what else David Anderson can do for Defensive Coordinator Brian VanGorder--he can play linebacker and cover a back out of the backfield or a tight end on 3^rd down.

5.  For the Hawks, Anderson has to mediate the Mike Woodson versus Josh Smith dispute.  Anderson is Australian, so he can get these guys together over a blooming onion, some shrimp, and a couple of cold Foster’s.  You can purchase a few pints at any grocery store.   DA can explain what a “good shot” is to Josh Smith, while coaching up Woody on how to win close games in the 4^th quarter.  DA also has spent time in Europe, so he is familiar with the word “détente”.

6.  Another task for Anderson is to find a billionaire Russion oil magnate to buy out the Atlanta Spirit Group.  Someone with very deep pockets--Mark Cuban-like deep pockets.  I mean Jason Kidd for three years and 25 million dollars.  That contract might rival Speedy Claxton's deal from a few years ago.

7.  If he can mediate that dispute, Anderson surely can bring Bobby Cox and Yunel Escobar closer together.  See reasons above, but also I am positive that Anderson is the one guy that could get Bobby Cox to embrace Latino culture.  Of course, Escobar might not listen, but I read on Wikipedia that Anderson speaks fluent Spanish.

8.  How can Anderson help the Falcons’ offense?  Protecting Falcons’ franchise QB Matt Ryan is a great job for Anderson.  He definitely has longer arms than Sam Baker.  

9.  Goalie for the Atlanta Thrashers.  I don’t talk hockey, but I am sure Anderson can stand on his head for a few games in the NHL playoffs.  I guess the Thrashers have to get there first.

10.  Can you imagine the kind of statistics that DA would put up for the WNBA Atlanta Dream?  He automatically gives the Dream a presence in the middle and someone to match up with the Sparks’ Candace Parker.  It kind of scares me that I know Parker plays for the Sparks, but I am still upset with Sheldon Williams, Billy Knight, and Coach K for making it seem like Williams could play in the NBA.