New Houston Texans Coach Bill O'Brien Bans Segways on Team Premises

Changes must be made to make the Houston Texans a winning franchise, and new head coach Bill O’Brien is starting at the root of the problem: Segways.

Louis Ojeda Jr. of Fox Sports reports the former Penn State football coach is laying down new ground rules as part of his transition into the role as head coach, the first being a ban on two-wheeled scooters from team premises.

Somewhere, Arian Foster is shedding a single tear over this news, considering Segways seem to be his first and favorite form of personal transportation. The Texans running back thoroughly enjoyed riding his scooter around the team locker room in seasons past.

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Foster also purchased his entire offensive line scooters for Christmas as a way of thanking each member for their hard work.

Alas, the Segway ban comes with the territory when you bring in a coach from the collegiate ranks. There’s nothing college football coaches relish more than coming into an NFL locker room and laying down some good ol’ fashioned, blue-collar ground rules, a la Chip Kelly’s Taco Tuesday prohibition or Greg Schiano’s banning of fifth-graders from practice.

O’Brien says his players will walk everywhere. 

"We go in the locker room," O’Brien said. "They put their stuff on, they grab their helmet, they walk out the door, they go right down to the right and they walk over that bridge over the highway and then get to the practice field and we start practicing."

That’s how an O’Brien man gets to practice: on his feet, unaided by mechanical do-dads and infernal moving machines.

Hopefully this ban will do something to help Houston, which is mostly suffering from its inability to keep the ball from flying into their opponents’ hands. 

I guess you have to start the revolution somewhere, and if prohibiting motorized scooters will help Tom Savage turn into a touchdown-throwing machine, you’ve got to do it.

An O’Brien man puts foot to ground.

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