Dear KJ …

I appreciate the autographed rookie cards for the kids. Just wanted to reaffirm that everything has been taken care of. I illegally and unfairly disposed of Inspector Walpin like a piece of garbage. Fortunately, most of our constituents don’t realize what has transpired. Most of them think CNCS is a crime drama on CBS. And to those who do realize the alleged ‘malfeasance’, I will stress to them that we need to simply find that common ground and agree to be disagreeable.

Speaking of CBS, did you see my Father’s Day roast with Harry Smith? He appeared to be erect at various points of our sit-down interview. Anyway, I put in a good word for you and told Harry you were one of the best point guards in the early 90s. He seemed impressed, and his people will be contacting you in the near future.

Some say I have violated the law that I helped manufacture during my time in the Senate; I say that’s Pork rubbish.  Anyone who believes in Change knows that St. Hope is a well-intentioned inner-city revitalizing machine. Whatever you hear in the coming days about my view of St. Hope, don’t believe it.

Let the record show there is nothing wrong with using federal grants for your own well being. I do it all the time with Michelle. Dinner in New York and vacation in Paris is for the betterment of the country; if I’m feeling well nourished and relaxed, I will do a better job leading this country out of its worst, darkest days since the last time I said things were bleak bleak bleak. Our constituents elected us because they trust we’ll use their money for our own private interests better than they will.

Silence is golden. Just ask the Vote Intimidation wing of the Black Panthers.

Hope and Change,

Barry H. Obama

PS: If you have any more problems with media, fear not: I am in the process of creating a Silent Response Czar who will transparently respond to claims of administration cover-ups and fraud with silence.

PS2: The YouTube Czar is in the process of removing this video. LOVE the “Pocket Obama” and “Little Barack” lines. LOVE IT, LOL!

PS3: Just wanted to write “PS3″ under “PS2″. Love those video game consuls! It’s part of the reason I’m hip! You’ll have to check out the new game room we just installed at the White Hizz-ouse. Totally sweet! Took down framed pics of Washington, Jefferson and Madison and replaced them with Mario, Luigi and Super Barack. LeBron James loved it when he visited the other day.

PS4: It doesn’t matter that LeBron lost in the conference finals, he’s still a champion to me!

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