'Arsene Wenger Was Engaged to Me in 15th Century,' Bromley Woman Claims

A woman from Bromley has told a local newspaper that she and Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger, who celebrates his 1,000th match in charge of the Gunners this weekend, were once engaged—back in the 15th century.

Stephany Cohen, 53, explained to the News Shopper that she is a deity from the Cat People, who are an alien race, and had a previous life as Joan of Arc, where she knew Wenger.

According to the paper's quotes:

"

Mr Wenger and I were engaged in a previous life. We had a romance when I was Joan of Arc and he was the Dauphine of France. He was the same man we know him to be today. Highly intelligent but very stubborn.

"

Despite their liaison, Cohen still had time to burn Wenger as he bids to win the Premier League, saying he wouldn't pull it off this season:

"

His big problem is he never has a plan B. Arsenal will not win the Premier League this season because of that. Me and my spirit guides believe it will be Manchester City who will win the title.

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You heard it here first—unless you also happened to be in 15th-century France in one of your previous lives.

[H/T News Shopper]