The Craziest Outfits of the Winter Olympics
There isn't enough gold in the world to appropriately reward these outfits.
While the Olympic torch has been snuffed out, awaiting its winter relighting in South Korea four years from now, we have a cavalcade of crazy to light our depression. We are talking about all of the wild and wonderful outfits that remain as unforgettable as the athletic performances we witnessed over 17 nights.
Presented for you are a great deal of the outfits that were slightly louder than the chants of "Russia!" during the Sochi Winter Olympics.
Now, this is hardly an exhaustive list of the best and worst pertaining to sartorial absurdity, so chime in with outfits you believed were notable in the comments section below.
For the moment, let's just get weird with it.
No. Don't talk. Just, just sit back and take it all in.
There. Now we can discuss the winner on a night that featured no actual competition. What you see before you is Spanish figure skater Javier Fernandez donning this awesome costume for the Gala blowout this past weekend.
NBC OlympicTalk's Mike Miller writes that Fernandez, "skated an 'Aerobic Class' performance, complete with water bottles, pushups and pretending to faint of exhaustion."
Too bad the judges are such fuddy-duddies, because we could sure stand to see this absurdity on nights that actually matter.
Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski
We could spend the equivalent of a couple of weeks dissecting the outfits brought to Sochi by Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski, but that's just because they packed as much as some competing countries.
Today.com's Vidya Rao profiled two of the biggest stars who weren't actually performing routines this time around.
If it looks like both Weir and Lipinski had a fabulous outfit for each day, that is by design. Here is just a sample of what the two packed, according to Rao:
8 suitcases: "Three of mine are the size of Ford Focuses," Weir said. “And three of Tara’s are the size of Audi S4s.”
22 pairs of shoes
10 pounds of jewelry
So consider this Instagram post a small taste of what many took in during prime time throughout NBC's figure skating coverage.
Granted, these aren't "crazy" outfits in the dead of summer as you barbecue in the backyard, sipping on a Corona.
However, the outfit is wacky the instant you walk into the opening ceremony wearing it.
We love the effort, Cayman Islands. However, you shouldn't have to mumble, "Where did I leave my other flip-flop?" as you are getting ready for the prestigious event.
Even on his best day, Russell Westbrook couldn't pull off this ensemble of geek attire and hipster glasses.
There is a reason we love ice dancing, and most of it has to do with the outfit worn by Germany's Alexander Gazsi, who is squiring his partner, Nelli Zhiganshina, around the ice.
Norway's Curling Team
They are the New York Yankees of pants, dominating the most recent iteration of Winter Games by merely putting on their clothes.
Now, this is merely one version of their silly swagger, because Norway showcased a great deal of tantalizing trousers over the past fortnight, something Mashable chronicled for their site.
Or, if you so choose, you can like the Facebook fan page dedicated to the Norwegian pants, just like more than 550,000 other people.
The Marvelous Mariachi
The Most Interesting Man in the World—or, at the very least, the Olympics.
People magazine's Melissa Locker asked an important question earlier in the month: Is Hubertus von Hohenlohe the most interesting man at these Winter Games?
Here she breaks down all of the ways he captivates—outside of the obvious wonderful outfit:
He's also a 55 year old German prince whose grandfather, Kaiser Franz II, was the last Holy Roman emperor. He is fluent in five languages, palled around with Andy Warhol, is the heir to an automobile fortune and will be the second-oldest winter Olympian in history when he hits the Sochi slopes in his
Stick a Dos Equis in his hand and we say yes, he is most definitely the most intriguing figure. In fact, we now have our costume picked out for Halloween.
No, we aren't going as a mariachi, we are going as Hubertus von Hohenlohe, the best-dressed man this past winter.
We Found the Pink
Suddenly there is a very real and global depletion of pink, and it's all thanks to Germany's Aliona Savchenko, who chose to wear every last instance of the color for the figure skating pairs short program.
Tatsuki Machida decided to go out on the ice looking like a birthday candle. The only unfortunate aspect is now I can never wear a similar outfit out in public.
The contingent from Germany was one of the bigger winners during the opening ceremony, waltzing in with bombastic outfits that covered nearly every color of the visible spectrum.
Despite the thoughts of most fans on the matter, Russia Beyond the Headlines' Anna Kozina writes that Germany was not trying to make a political statement:
Officials had to explain that there were no political signals being sent through such design choices. A press release by the German Olympic Committee insists that the color palette reflects “the Sochi landscapes;” turquoise is for the waters of the Black Sea, yellow for the sun and sand, green for palm trees, and white for snow in the Caucasus mountains.
Well, there might not be a political statement at hand, but there is certainly a sartorial one. Germany demands your attention, and you will give it to them whether you like it or not.
That there is a heaping dose of red, white and blue headed your way. Go ahead and step back, because I don't think you can handle it.
The boot kick of patriotism before you is the helmet worn by Katie Uhlaender. The 29-year-old just missed a bronze medal in skeleton, but she gets our undying adulation for donning arguably the best helmet at the Games.
Well, This Is Fun
If ever there were a need for black light at the Olympics, it would be these costumes.
For your viewing pleasure, we give you the sugary fever dream of a five-year-old presented in wardrobe fashion. Thanks to Australia's Danielle O'Brien and Gregory Merriman, what we wore throughout the 1990s doesn't seem so insane.
According to Dylan Moscovitch and Kirsten Moore-Towers, the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland isn't just a great way to find a comfortable seat for a few minutes, it's also a fantastic impetus for a figure skating color scheme.
Thanks, because now all we can think of are creepy animatronic dolls.
Sorry to say that the Sochi wolf was all an elaborate hoax pulled off by Jimmy Kimmel. However, there was a Sochi leopard sighting thanks to Elizavetta Chesnokova.
The 17-year-old is part of the Russian freestyle skiing team and holds the unofficial honor of owning the best cat-themed mask in the sport.
Using Your Head
As you can see, there were just as many vibrant outfits on display at Sanki Sliding Center as there were at the Iceberg Skating Palace.
Here we have John Fairbairn getting as literal as possible with his skeleton helmet, showing off a bright neon skull.
The 30-year-old Canadian had to settle for seventh in men's skeleton, but he won our envy. Suddenly the sport doesn't seem so crazy when you consider it just might lead to your own fancy helmet.
We All Flip for Flisar
This might not be an outfit, but we hope you forgive us for including arguably the best facial hair at the Winter Games.
Slovenia's Filip Flisar came in sixth in the men's ski cross finals. However, he now has us wanting the South Korea Olympics to include some form of mustache-growing event in 2018.
Why Didn't You Wear the Loud One?
You have to love figure skating. It's the only sport where bigger is better, bolder is rewarded and an outfit like this is delivered with a serious tone.
OK, maybe not serious, because Misha Ge here seems to be wigging out. Perhaps he just heard they have this same outfit in mauve and taupe. I mean, that's as good of a reason as any.
Skeleton athletes are a different breed. Traveling down a track headfirst takes a certain kind of personality, one that might also deliver some amazing-looking helmets.
KTVU has a list of some of the best, but we are rather fond of Canadian Eric Neilson's helmet, because its menacing quality fits perfectly screaming down the ice.
A Hat Tip to the Volunteers
They were tending to ice at the various arenas, escorting fans in various languages, uplifting the Games with their spirit and frivolity, and you couldn't miss them, because the Sochi volunteers were wearing these multi-colored outfits.
All Set for Couples Night at Medieval Times
If Game of Thrones married Conan the Barbarian and intermingled with a Will Ferrell project, you might get something that mandates the kind of outfits we see here from Vera Bazarova and Yuri Larionov.
Poor Yuri here didn't know whether to spin Vera or shoot her from the bow we presume he's carrying.
Sochi Ceremony Hosts
They walked alongside each country as they made their way into the stadium for the opening and closing ceremonies.
We aren't sure of their official name, but they look like the perfect union of Austin Powers' fembots and a Native American dreamcatcher.