Exploring the Trade Value for NFL Head Coaches

We might be in the thick of NFL draft season, but there is no shortage of league-wide news. Take the seemingly ludicrous news out of Cleveland from last week, for example.

Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk fame dropped the bombshell story just as the NFL Scouting Combine was getting revved up.

"

Sources: Browns nearly traded with 49ers for Jim Harbaugh http://t.co/Omg12Odz4N

— ProFootballTalk (@ProFootballTalk) February 21, 2014"

It was a bizarre story that strained credulity. Why would Jim Harbaugh leave a good thing in San Francisco—a team rich with talent and draft picks that has competed at the highest level since he arrived—to go to Cleveland, a black hole of football success?

"

I can see why Jim Harbaugh would want to go to Cleveland. He'd be the most fashionable guy there by a fair margin.

— sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) February 21, 2014"

"

The ONLY way a Harbaugh trade makes sense is if there is a major rift between JH and Baalke. For that I'd defer to Maiocco or Kawakami.

— NFL Philosophy (@NFLosophy) February 22, 2014"

Of course, the 49ers and Jim Harbaugh himself denied the reports.

"

@ProFootballTalk @RapSheet is this on the record? Report isn't true

— Jed York (@JedYork) February 21, 2014"

The saga continued into the weekend, when Jimmy Haslam confirmed there was an "opportunity" to trade for Harbaugh, per Jarrett Bell of USA Today. We will probably never know the whole truth.

At any rate, it was quite the hullabaloo about a non-event—the trade never happened and may never have even materialized out of the ether of brilliant ideas.

But it got me thinking—what is the trade value for each NFL head coach?

Coach	Team	Value
Bruce Arians	Arizona Cardinals	Ben Roethlisberger, a fourth-round draft pick and a case of Hot Pockets.
Mike Smith	Atlanta Falcons	Two season passes to Six Flags Atlanta and one shipment of Atlanta Falcons 2012 NFC Champion t-shirts
John Harbaugh	Baltimore Ravens	Lisa Courtney's Pokemon collection and the original collective works of Edgar Allen Poe
Doug Marrone	Buffalo Bills	A monthly subscription to orangeglad.com and one snowblower
Ron Rivera	Carolina Panthers	The Steamboat Natchez
Marc Trestman	Chicago Bears	The Molson Brewery
Marvin Lewis	Cincinnati Bengals	One Bengal tiger cub, a third-round pick and the rights to the Ickey Shuffle
Mike Pettine	Cleveland Browns	A poster of LeBron James autographed by Dan Gilbert
Jason Garrett	Dallas Cowboys	One bottle of eye bleach and the Adam Sandler film anthology
John Fox	Denver Broncos	Two copies of Ayne Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and a figurine of George Minne's Fountain of Kneeling Youths
Jim Caldwell	Detroit Lions	A one-year pass to Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum
Mike McCarthy	Green Bay Packers	The rights to Brett Favre's beard and 150,000 shares in the Packers
Bill O’Brien	Houston Texans	Josh McDaniels
Chuck Pagano	Indianapolis Colts	Jim Irsay’s liquor cabinet and Heisenberg's barrel
Gus Bradley	Jacksonville Jaguars	The Jacksonville Sharks AFL franchise
Andy Reid	Kansas City Chiefs	One Taco Bell franchise or a year’s supply Jack Stack Barbeque
Joe Philbin	Miami Dolphins	An autographed photograph of Larry Coker and a case of Natty Light
Mike Zimmer	Minnesota Vikings	The Janis boxed set of cassette tapes
Bill Belichick	New England Patriots	Martha’s Vineyard, one rack of Old Navy hoodies and a pair of scissors
Sean Payton	New Orleans Saints	The film-original Boba Fett costume and 30 seconds to peruse Steve Spurrier’s hat collection
Tom Coughlin	New York Giants	Three bottles of laudanum and the deed to Eli Manning’s soul
Rex Ryan	New York Jets	A $1,000 gift certificate to DSW and one coupon for laser tattoo removal treatment
Dennis Allen	Oakland Raiders	A 1992 Ford Tempo and two tickets to Celine Dion at Caesar's Palace
Chip Kelly	Philadelphia Eagles	The nuclear launch codes
Mike Tomlin	Pittsburgh Steelers	An autographed cardboard cutout of Willie Mays Hayes and two fourth-round picks
Mike McCoy	San Diego Chargers	The water rights to the San Joaquin River
Jim Harbaugh	San Francisco 49ers	The Kohl's men's collection, a Breville espresso machine and all the cake, now
Pete Carroll	Seattle Seahawks	A lifetime supply of free trade coffee and a trip to space with Kate Upton
Jeff Fisher	St Louis Rams	A year's supply of Just For Men Brush-In Color Gel, Beard and Mustache (brown) and Javon Ringer
Lovie Smith	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	Grant Balfour's monster truck and Peanut Tillman
Ken Whisenhunt	Tennessee Titans	The Star Wars trilogy laser disc boxed set
Jay Gruden	Washington	Kirk Cousins

Your move, Haslam.