Report: Terrell Owens to Marry Postal Worker from Texas

Spring is around the corner, and you know what that means: wedding season. 

Indeed, it could be time for us all to put on our cummerbunds and crash some receptions, starting with the nuptials of Terrell Owens and his mystery bride.

According to TMZ, the former six-time NFL Pro Bowler recently garnered a wedding license in Los Angeles, Calif. 

His bride to be? Based on TMZ’s knowledge, Owens plans to tie the knot with Rachel Snider—a 33-year-old postal worker from Texas. 

Here's a hastily Photoshopped image of Owens and his alleged fiance, courtesy of TMZ.

Image via TMZ

Unlike a license to kill or a permit to drive a flaming jet truck, Owens' marriage license is valid for a relatively short amount of time. The paperwork expires April 8, granting it a shorter shelf life than most bran cereals. 

Little is known about Snider, Owens' alleged bride to be. She apparently isn't enraptured by the idea of a grand wedding announcement, although that much still remains to be seen.

This is about the extent of our knowledge to date on Snider, aside from TMZ's report that she's not one of the four women with which Owens has had a child.  

With that being said, Owens only met with three of the mothers of his children on Dr. Phil in 2012.

Perhaps Snider is No. 4? It doesn't really matter. 

What does matter is the spread at their reception, as we'll all be infiltrating it, naturally. 

I forecast less-than-ideal crashing conditions at Owens' wedding. It will likely be a small affair, given his current cash flow problems. So don't be surprised if we run into a cash bar. 

We'll have to develop deep backstories to mask our presence, and most importantly, no one say you're a friend of Drew Rosenhaus. 

Bring a sack lunch. 

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