Top 10 Reasons Why Lakers Will Take It!

In tribute to my namesake, here are the...

Top 10 Reasons Why the Lakers Will Win the Championship!

Number 10!!!

If Kobe loses this series in Game Six at Orlando with Shaq in attendance, we may see a re-enactment of the Bruno-Eminem incident!

NUMBER 9!!!

Deron Williams. Aaron Brooks. Chauncey Billups. Skip to my Lou. Which of these names doesn't belong on the list?

NUMBER 8!!!

The Lakers should win Game one, which means they will have a 75 percent chance of winning the series. Unless they lose Game three, in which case they will only have a 23 percent chance of winning. But if they take either Game four or five, they will have an 87 percent chance of winning the series, but a 76 percent chance of losing Game seven.

Any questions?

NUMBER 7!!!

Stan Van Gundy. Game Five.

Scene: "OK, guys. We're down by one, and we need a score. This is our last timeout. Dwight, I want you to...wait a second. Where is he? Where the heck is Dwight?"

Rashard Lewis: "He is listening to Jack Nicholson do voice impressions."

(From a distance): "HEREEEEEE'S JOHNNNNNNNYYYYYY!!"

NUMBER 6!!!

Skip Bayless says the Magic are underrated. His exact words were:

"Listen, everyone is sleeping on these guys. They've got Dwight, Rashard Lewis, David Blaine, and Sigfried and Brandon Roy. Now you're telling me the Lakers can compete with that? I mean, really?

"Maybe if the Lakers double team Howard and Kobe actually shows up, and...annddd, if Dwight Howard doesn't make his free throws consistently, the Lakers might steal a game and bring it to LA with homecourt advantage."

Jay Crawford: "Uhh, Skip, the Lakers have homecourt advantage going into the series."

Skip: "But they don't feellike they have homecourt advantage. That's what you're missing."

NUMBER 5!!!

Stan Van zen-master of Panic.

Which word does not belong in the name?

NUMBER 4!!!

Kobe is to Dwight Howard what Freddy Krueger is to Krusty the clown.

NUMBER 3!!!

If Kobe wins a championship, it's because he killed himself all year. If the Magic win, it's because he killed Lamar Odom.

NUMBER 2!!!  

"If you enjoyed 'Kobe: Doin' Work,' you will definitely enjoy the Magic Bench: Doin' S***!"

NUMBER 1!!!

Kobe is a cyborg. He was created in the year 3087 and sent back in time by the machines to stop Luke Walton and Jordan Farmar from destroying the franchise known formerly as the Lakers. 

In the process, he manages to spearhead an incredible NBA campaign as the league's best player, capped off by a championship in the year 2009.

Prediction: Lakers in five.