B/R Exclusive: Luis Suarez's New and Fictional Liverpool Contract Leaked!
After several months of speculation over his future, Liverpool's Luis Suarez has finally signed a contract extension that will keep him at Anfield until 2018, according to The Guardian's Andy Hunter.
"I can achieve the ambitions of winning trophies here," he said, in a change to the tune he was whistling last season.
Through my network of moles and illicit made-up sources, I have managed to obtain a 100 percent authentic fake copy of Suarez's new contract extension document.
Read on for bona fide forged excerpts from his new terms and conditions...
Buyout Banality
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Here's a snippet from the opening page of the document.
Playmaking Prerequisites
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I bet you didn't know Suarez has his own acronyms for his performance techniques.
Statue Statutes
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From next season, we may enjoy the famous chants and atmosphere of "The Luis."
Training-Ground Terms
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It looks like Melwood is undergoing some transformations...
Compensation Clauses
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An FSF Player of the Year Award and an £80,000 weekly pay raise? Not a bad few days for the Uruguayan.
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