Pittsburgh Penguins: A Well-Deserved Vacation

The Penguins dispatched the Ottawa Senators with such ease in their Eastern Conference quarterfinals series that the team is in the midst of a week-plus of vacation time. After dominating the Senators and holding the lead for all but four minutes in the entire series, the Penguins had some time to ponder.

Jordan Staal: “If we play the Rangers, maybe I can get Georges Laraque to rub out my brother, Marc. Just don’t tell Mom, Eric.”

Georges Laraque: “The itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout...”

Rob Scuderi: “Twenty bucks to the first person who recognizes me on the street... Anybody?”

Max Talbot: “I wonder if my agent has me in any more commercials after my show-stopping performance in this car commercial.”

Evgeni Malkin: “Ya ne gavareeu na angliyskom.”

Gary Roberts: “I’m the only man in the league who can walk off a broken leg.”

Sergei Gonchar: “Geno said, ‘I don’t speak English.’”

Ty Conklin: “So what if I’m not starting? I’m marketing my new clothing line: Rock Out With Your Conk Out.”

Erik Christensen and Colby Armstrong: “We’re jealous that we were sent to Atlanta while the boys were making a run for the Cup. Fore!”

Ryan Malone: “I have a Facebook group called ‘Ryan Malone Makes Me Moan?’ Well, I am one sexy mother.”

Marian Hossa: “Maybe if I shoot the puck 20 times a game, I can break out of this slump. Those 10 shots per game just aren’t cutting it.”

Jarkko Ruutu: “Did you see my goal in Game 4? How about you, did you see my goal in Game 4? Excuse me, sir. Did you see my goal in Game 4?”

Ed Olczyk: “Michel Therrien’s a lucky bastard. Who wouldn’t win with this talent?”

Sidney Crosby: “Forget about being the best player in the world. Hopefully, after all this time off, I will actually look like I’m trying to grow a playoff beard.”