Rob Gronkowski wants to time travel to Florida.
Hold on, let me back up.
The Patriots tight end recently gave an interview to Scott Zolak of 98.5 The Sports Hub, which yielded an amazing Gronkowski quote about the possibilities (and limitations) of time travel.
CBS Boston spotted the ridiculous conversation (h/t Samer Kalaf of Deadspin). It began with a simple inquiry and ended with Gronk figuring out that the concepts of space and time are two very different things.
“If you could have a superpower, what would that one superpower be?” Zolak asked.
“Man, like, a time machine,” Gronk replied.
“You could be invisible...” Zolak said.
“Does time machine count?” Gronk asked.
It was obvious at this point—Gronk had no interest in being invisible.
He wanted to bend time and space at his will, to slip unmolested through the barrier of the present and traipse backward and forward through the chronology of the universe.
It was a compelling notion, and the reporter nourished the idea.
“Let's do it,” Zolak said. “We could build a time machine right here.”
Zolak’s statement implied questions: To what period would Gronk travel? The Dark Ages? The Renaissance? Would the tight end slip back to the Ides of March and save Caesar from the hungry knives at his back?
None of the above, it would appear. Gronk wanted to travel back in time to present-day Panama City.
“Like, if I could just be like ‘I want to be in Florida right now,’ and then, boom, I’m in Florida,” Gronk said.
“That’d be more like a transporter, like...” Zolak said.
“Yeah, is that a superpower?” Gronk asked.
And thus ended the best exchange Gronkowski has had with the media since returning from his lingering arm and back injuries. This is a man who mistakes time travel for actual travel—the kind that planes, trains and cars manage on a daily basis.
God bless you, Gronk. Never change.
If anyone can build a time machine, it’s a man named “Zolak.”