There's Always Next Year! A Preemptive Tribute to the Dolphins' 2009 Season

Well, that’s being a little harsh. The Fins are far from the 1-15 season-which-must-not-be-named, but the glory and in your face antics of last year’s playoff berth have dwindled and it’s back to business.

One thing we have all learned about business this past year is that success is difficult and often not repeatable. And now, the reasons we lament this season of Dolphins football before it even begins:

1. Tom Brady

Obviously. Forget Kobe—this man invented Doin’ Work. It is always unfortunate to have a future Hall of Famer in your division and not on your team. His return marks an early end to the Dolphins AFC East title bid, and an increase in the number of women watching football.

2. Brett Farve

How could we possibly have done it without him? Where would the Dolphins have been las year if it weren’t for the Big Cheese throwing game-ending interceptions all over the country? He was like our own personal crusader, and now he’s gone (at least from our lives). May he one day retire a Dolphin.

3. The Jets

They got a whole lot better on defense. The quarterback position may be a question mark, but the look and feel of the team has definitely made strides. The defense has added some big names to go along with pretty-boy Sanchez, as Rex Ryan tries to duplicate what he saw in Baltimore by literally duplicating it.

Whether or not Sanchez has got what it takes, this team is going somewhere, and the Wildcat might not be enough to stop it.

4. New faces in Foxboro

Bill Belichick continued his yearly raid of good value players from around the league. Joey Galloway, Leigh Bodden, Shawn Springs, Fred Taylor.

Every one of these guys have been proven players and even if they’re not what they used to be, Mr. Bill will be able to get it out of them. They will perform and Los Dolfinos will suffer as a result.

5. T.O

Just Kidding. Well, sort of. Everyone knows that Terrell is extremely talented at setting franchises back. He also can be a pretty good football player. The variable here though is that the Bills are already pretty far behind, and Owens knows this is his last chance.

At the very least, he’ll open up the field for Lee Evans, which makes the Bills a bigger threat offensively. The addition of Aaron Maybin also makes a pretty solid defense even better.

Unfortunately for Owens though, he now only has 6.5 million reasons to live.