ESPN Officially Changing Name to LJPC: Lebron James Programming Channel

In a sudden move, Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN), a subsidiary of the Walt Disney World Corporation, has announced it will be changing its name officially to the LeBron James Programming Company.

“We figured it was time to become more obvious” stated Sean Bratches, Executive VP of Sales and Marketing at ESPN.

“After years of studies and predictions, we realized that not only are we head-over-heels in love with LeBron James and look for any excuse to put him on TV, we have seen enough of his abilities that make us confident he will be playing other sports in the near future.”

Amazingly enough, this news of the name change has had little effect on many ESPN fanatics on the east coast. “Wait, wasn't that what we were watching before?” asked a group of confused high school students.

Bratches went on to discuss the possibilities of LeBron playing football.

“We have already bribed, er...agreed with the NFL for exclusive rights to all Cleveland Brown and the New York Giants football games. We have also started working on another version of the LeBron Block Party highlights from the NBA and turning them into shots of him blocking down passes from the quarterback.”

It was also implied that Major League Baseball would be open to James playing in their sport.

"LeBron who?" asked MLB Commissioner Bud Selig. "Is he any good? Will he increase our interest over seas? YES! Can he play for the Brewers?...Not even for a game or two?...Fine, he can still play, even if it's not for the Brewers." 

Coupled with that is a rumor going around that ESPN has put James in contact with Scott Boras to handle his baseball training and that Boras is already in negotiations with the New York Yankees for James' rights (James would be in center field and bat third). 

When asked what the plan was for the rest of the ESPN family of channels, Bratches responded with surprise, “Well of course they will change as well. ESPNews will now be LJPCommentary, where LeBron comes on and talks about himself.

"And when he has other things to do, we will bring in Stephen A. Smith, John Hollinger and Ric Bucher to talk about him some more. I mean, it is what we pay them to do anyway. Now we are just being more direct about it.”

The source went on to give examples for other channels, such as “LJPC2” instead of “ESPN2“, “LJPC-HS” to replace “ESPNU”, since LeBron never went to college, the executives figure to just cut to the chase and film LeBron‘s old high school team and any other team LeBron wants to watch.

“ESPN Classic” will simply be changed to “LJPC Classic“, showing all of LeBron’s old games pro and high school games, because apparently everyone of them is an instant classic. Once LeBron starts in on other sports, they too will be added.

The more controversial channel that will be changed to dedicate LeBron is “ESPN Deportes” which will be “LJPC Deportes” which will be the same exact thing as before, except they will super impose LeBron over whoever is playing the best in the game that is being shown.

“While we feel some people might take offense to this change,” said an unnamed executive, “we believe that a majority of people will be pleased with our 24-hour coverage of LeBron James. And besides, I bet you that if LeBron played cricket, he would be the greatest cricket player of all time. This just eliminates all the training and waste of time LeBron would have to put in to prove it.”

While LeBron did not go into details about the new deal, when asked, he was quoted as saying, “It is about time.”

Sales of merchandise are expected to triple over the next month while the transition occurs, from both fans wanting to get collectors items of the old ESPN gear and those who want the “LJPC: Witness Everything” t-shirts.

Note: The quotes, information, and story are complete fabrications and should in no way be taken literally.