Left Turn Louie: Cool the Heat at the Indy 500

I really don't know much about Indy Cars or the Indianapolis 500. I mean, once they get past "Dudes and Dudettes, start your engines," I'm basically lost until I see the checkered flag.

Then again, I don't know much about NASCAR either, but that's never even slowed me down from writing about it.

There are three ladies in the field this weekend at the Indy 500: Danica Patrick, Sarah Fisher, and Milka Duno. On behalf of all of the male drivers in the field, I am filing an official complaint.

No, the complaint is not about there being women drivers, although I KNOW there are some good ole boys who are chafing in their fire suits about that aspect.

My complaint is that all three ladies are FI-INNNNE...DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS...UMMMM UMMMMPH YUMMY...so smoking hot that I bet the average track temperature (among other things) at this year's Indy 500 will rise...significantly.

Check-out these highly-skilled and HOT, SEXY lady drivers...

Sarah Fisher

Milka "Milky White" Duno

Danica Patrick

How the heck are the male drivers supposed to concentrate with all of that on the track at the same time? If I were racing, I wouldn't get past the first turn before crashing due to running over my own tongue!

I'm an equal-opportunity kind of guy, so I fully support women racers. However, there should be fairness. After all, all of the male drivers are ugly, so the female drivers should be ugly too.

So, I'm starting a petition. Who's with me?

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