Why "Joe The Plumber" Was Just a Distraught Bengals Fan

Bleacher ReportSenior Analyst IMay 18, 2009

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the bathroom, Joe the Plumber has returned. You know, the more I hear that name, the more is sounds less like an average Joe and more like a nickname for someone who broke into the Watergate hotel.

The reality though is that the true culprit to blame for the rise of Joe the Plumber is not John McCain or the GOP campaign. Not even Fox news. The true bandit is the one name you dare not speak…the Cincinnati Bengals. That’s right, they fell from success around the same time as the Soviet Union. 

Follow me on this though. The only reason that Joe the Plumber was ready to question Barack Obama is that he was outside playing football with his son. The reason that he was outside playing football with his son is that the Cincinnati Bengals were on, and of course, they stink. 

Just ask Mike Huckabee. Joe said so on that Fox News show. 

Had the Bengals had a winning season, ole Joe would not have left his couch and thus would not have been in Obama's grill about his tax policies. He would have stayed on the couch, indulging in the Bengals. And the course of political history would have been completely different.

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He would have been too busy shouting “D-Fence, D-Fence” and less worried about Israel’s policies of preemptive defense. More worried about the two minute warning than the budget.

If only...