Kobe: Phone's For You, It's 9-1-1!

Hello.

Yeah, this is Kobe Bryant. Who’s this?

Huh? You are callin’ me? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

I know I gotta game tomorrow.

Last time I checked. Yeah, it’s a game seven.

Don’t worry I’ll have my game face on.

Enough with the Battier talk already.  He’s not the first guy in the league to defend the shot by putting a hand in the face.

You do know I scored 32 the other night, right?

So I missed 16 shots.  What of it?

I know I only made 11. Look man, shooters gotta shoot.  Some nights it’s all good. Other nights, you gotta take the good with the bad.

Is that what this is about?  My three assists the other night were more than anyone else on the team.

Battier had four?  Talk to me when he wins an MVP.

If you think Artest is in my head, you’re screwier than I thought.  You can just call him the big, bad wolf.  ’Cause he’s huffin’ and puffin’ but I don’t see him blowin’ down any house.

So Scola is abusin’ Gasol and Bynum in the post?  What do you want me to do about it? I can only defend one guy at a time.

Pressure the post-entry? Who are you? Coach Knight?

Yeah Brooks owns Fish.  I’m not the coach. Ask the Zen master why he doesn’t give Farmar more time.

Talk all you want about Yao, McGrady, and DiKembe.  The Rockets are still putting professionals on the floor.

What do you mean my legacy?

History will show me as a three-time champion, all-defensive team, and an MVP.

Shaq, Shaq, Shaq—I have heard this all before.  Until you get on the floor, you should just keep your opinions to yourself. I’ve taken my team to the finals without him.

Did you watch any of last year’s finals? If Stern and his boys weren’t havin’ such a love fest with resurgent Celts we might have had a chance. 

Trust me. We’ll get to the finals. I will put LeBron in his place.

Pickin' Splinters