The Tigahs are ready to get down and dirty in the Big D...
This time, LSU will play Texas Christian University. Saturday will be sinfully sloppy. Regrettable mistakes, in all forms, will happen.
But there will be plenty of time to repent on Sunday.
The last time LSU opened their season in Jerry's World, partying was beyond wild. Bars ran out of alcohol. People gyrated towels in the street. Bread was thrown at Oregon Duck fans.
Even Bambi Woods found some of the LSU fan activities in Dallas explicit.
Don't believe me? I caught it on tape...
The video says "UNCUT," but that's a lie. I did not include some of my footage. I witnessed body shots in the parking lot and more adult activities my eyes cannot unsee.
Oh yeah, a football game was played too. One in which LSU bludgeoned the Ducks en route to an undefeated regular season.
Season openers are dangerous in unfamiliar territory. Offseasons are long for LSU Football fans, as they are ready to unleash their tailgating souls into a boiling hot batch of jambalaya.
Tiger fans will find and consume any form of alcohol. Nothing cleanses the palette of a traveling Tiger fan more than booze oozing down their throats. Dallas should hire Nucky Thompson to ship in extra alcohol.
LSU fans are not ashamed of their activities. As you can tell by their expressions, they take pride in doing this. They want to take over your city.
Tiger fans do so nicely. They are more kind than rabid. Louisiana folk love interaction, so Horned Frogs need not be timid of the Tigers.
TCU fans will be berated by the "Tigerbait" chant. A Tiger's breath, mixed with Crown Royal and Tony's can be quite foul and frustrating.
Yet these activities are all in jest...sort of. Ultimately, LSU's diverse fans are fun and want to have a good time.
Tiger fans can get extra friendly and are not afraid to flirt. They love to hug and smooch, even if it's your significant other. And booze only makes it worse, as their "range" widens. Tigers will be especially on the prowl in the cougar capital of the United States.
Nobody is off limits on game day.
This, and other things, can lead to drunken rage and testy moments between fan bases. Fights will happen. Expletives will fly. Chests and beer guts will puff. But situations usually cool down.
The real athletic activities will actually happen outside the stadium. A drunken Olympics will be going on at tailgates everywhere, featuring corn hole, beer pong, flip cup and other calorie gaining exercises.
Purple will reign in Dallas. And it will be a beautiful thing.
TCU fans should know and remember the Golden Rule of LSU football:
"Win or lose, Tiger fans still booze."
LSU has a better team. Les Miles is unblemished in season openers. The Tigers will win.
Horned Frogs, though in defeat, should make LSU's motto their own on Saturday. Booze hard now, because they may never experience anything like LSU fans ever again.