Soccer Has The Best Sports Clichés Ever

Soccer players aren’t traded from one team to another.  They’re bought.  Sold by one club to another.  It’s one of many differences between soccer and, say, baseball.  That, and the fact that you actually have to be fit and athletic to play soccer.

The way they buy and sell players like animals – it reminds me of slavery.  Except for the multi-million dollar salaries the players are paid after they’ve been bought.  That, and the fact that they get to play a sport in Europe instead of plant sugar in Alabama.

Still, it makes me wonder:  are African players sensitive to this kind of buying and selling of human beings?  This buying and selling of human beings who so often come from exploited parts of the world?  This buying and selling of human beings by really rich white people from the West?  Does it trigger resentment?

No.  Super no on top of no times ten.

When wealthy white people from Europe started talking about buying and selling Arsenal striker and Togolese national Emmanuel Adebayor, unlike his predecessors two hundred years ago, he was pleased.  Amazing what a few million pounds in wages will do to somebody’s outlook.

When asked about the rumors that AC Milan was interested in buying him, he said:  “It is like a boy, handsome or not, if they tell you Beyoncé is looking for you, you must be happy, that is for sure.”

Is it wrong for me to have an image in my head of Foxy Cleopatra, standing in thigh high black leather boots and a black leather corset and thong with nothing else except a whip?  I knew I should have pursued a career in soccer.

How Emmanuel Adebayor sees AC Milan.  Sa-freakin-weet!!

The colorful diction of the Africans has never been more eloquent.  How refreshing is it not to have to hear the usual bullshit clichés?

I’m just happy to be here and the good lord willing things will work out.  We’re just going to take ‘em one day at a time.  Give Northwestern credit, they played their hearts out tonight.  Blah blah blah.

The world is a better place when people ditch the clichés.  Just ask Miss California Carrie Prejean.  Sure, gay marriage bashing cost her the Miss USA title, but god bless her for speaking her mind.  Ok, I wrote that because she’s hot as hell and she can say anything she wants and I’ll still respect her.  A lot.  Call me.

Miss California:  All this and honesty too!

Ditto for Emmanuel.  Not the hot as hell part and not the call me part, but I respect him for keeping it real.

Are you listening David Beckham?  Next time somebody asks you about playing for Milan instead of LA just follow Adebayor’s lead, e.g.:  Sure I signed with LA, and yes I’m playing for Milan now.  But it’s just like a boy, handsome or not, if Jessica Biel says she’ll go to bed with you and the girl you’re currently sleeping with is Angelica Huston, you must do it with Jessica Biel, that is for sure.

How do you argue with this? 

For more, visit http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (Real Guys Holding Sports Accountable), or if you think A-Rod is innocent, visit www.dbbsports.com .