Greetings From Washington, by Adam Dunn

What's cookin', fellas? Shoot, the ball we playin' now just ain't cuttin' it.

Honestly, I'm fit to be tied. Personally, I'm playin' real well, still jackin' a ton of bombs and all that, but this damn team can’t stop losin'.

We're 4-15, geez, that’s even worse than when I was playin in Cinci!

Don’t get me wrong, the guys here seem like fine folks. Ryan, Nick, Austin, and the rest are all great guys, but I still get the feelin' they look at me as some crazy maverick.

Yeah, maybe I don’t fit in real well, but I'm carryin' this team right now. Even Manny told me the boys gotta start treatin' me with more respect. Shoot, you tell 'em, skip!

I'll fess up: I only came here for the money. I thought I'd be gettin' more for all the bombs I've hit over the years, but nah. Seems like teams thought I was whiffin' too much, so it took me a while to sign.

But hey, I still got 20 mill for two seasons, and I even got myself a brand-new place back in Houston!  Yeah, maybe life ain’t so bad after all.

I'll swan if skip ain't tellin the truth, but he just came over here and told me I'll prolly be playin' in the All-Star game! He said it was like in St. Louis or somethin', and I heard the fans out there real friendly.

I think I'm goin' to ask the commish if I can hit in the Derby. To hear all that cheerin' will be nice.

Gotta mention this new park we're all playin' in. Man, it’s a looker. I got my own laptop, TV, Xbox, you name it. They even get me DVDs so I can watch my home runs again!

I mean, yeah, they told me I gotta watch some fieldin' videos first before I watch those, but man, I'm a slugger! As long as I keep sluggin' away, no chance skip takes me out.

Plus, I play left, so it’s not like anyone notices, right?

Ah man, this has been fun. I gotta go get some truck right now, gotta keep big you know?

Scratch that, Manny just asked me to show these four new relief pitchers around the park. It feels like I'm doin' this every week, but whatever.

Alright, y'all, I'm out, and until next time, go Nats!