Insurance Man Throws out Newest, Worst First Pitch Ever

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the ballpark.

A ballgame between Stetson and Florida State got off to a horribly emasculating start Tuesday when a man threw out one of the most awful first pitches ever recorded on camera (via BustedCoverage). 

It all happened very fast, and the result was a pile of burning wreckage flopping about on the mound. No one felt the burn more keenly than John Bledsoe—the insurance executive who had wound up and torpedoed the ball into the ground wide-left, and then fell over like a bovine victim of a cow-tipping. 

It was kind of like this, but the pitcher also fell.

The first question that comes to mind after witnessing a pitch this bad is “Was it a setup?” Did the schools set up some goon to lay waste to this holy ceremony as some ungodly form of viral marketing for the baseball programs? Are they that desperate? 

The answer, it would appear, is no. Busted Coverage was apparently able to get in contact with the man via email, who explained it was that damn mound that got the best of him.

Via Busted Coverage:

"

I got to the field and threw 20 practice pitches from the flat grass. Everything went great...everyone I knew said unless you’ve thrown from the mound before it won’t go well. As I’m about to take the field I asked the guys ‘you want safe or you want heat?’  

"

Bledsoe said that one second he was winding up, the next he was looking at the turf. The tumble was just for effect, he says.

“Once I let it go I was embarrassed and just fell down more in shame and laughter.”

Will he ever try to redeem himself? He doesn’t know, but he says the track team already has asked him to come kick off a meet with an opening pole vault.

To which I say—Make. It. Happen. 

I don’t ask for much, God. Just give me video of this man pole-vaulting.