Interviewing Ryan Lochte Makes News Anchors Break Down into Tears Laughing

What would Ryan Lochte do? He would say something so profoundly asinine you would nearly fracture a rib laughing at him.

This is precisely what occurred when the hosts of Good Day Philadelphia sat down with the Olympic swimmer and began asking Lochte about the filming of his new reality show What Would Ryan Lochte Do?

Presumably, the anchors had been briefed about Lochte’s subpar oration skills prior to the sit-down, but all the preparation in the world couldn’t have fully prepared them for the dialogue that would occur. 

Lochte first explained things he liked to do in life besides swimming, which included hanging out with friends, dancing and skateboarding. It’s unclear whether or not he was reading the list off his Myspace page or if he was just riffing from the cuff.

Lochte also shared his philosophy on personal responsibility and keeping up with his training, telling the hosts, “If you’re a man at night, you got to be a man in the morning.”

"

"If you're a man at night, you've gotta be a man in the morning." Wise words of Ryan Lochte

— Catherine Yee (@robinpetersontl) April 19, 2013"

Indeed, if you’re going to enjoy Bacardi O and tacos made out of Doritos at night, you’re going to have to skim the consequences from the pool in the morning. 

The interview was going more or less well at this point. That is, until the show’s host finally laid down the gauntlet and started asking the hard questions—“What kind of line could [a girl] say? What could get your attention?”

Silence.

The swimmer had no idea how to swing at this curveball, presumably realizing these hosts had no idea that everything Lochte knows about courtship he learned from watching wild horses release pheromones. Based on his silence, it’s all about the nonverbal cues for Lochte.

Of course, the crowning moment of the interview came at the end, when the hosts asked Lochte if the film crews on his reality show follow him into the bathroom. 

“Well... there’s like a mirror with a sink, and then you have the bathroom." 

Hearing this, the hosts start dying, and they can barely keep it together to avoid laughing directly in Lochte’s face.

And thus, Lochte’s interviewing career continued, with the swimmer ballooning his average “questions answered specifically” to a towering .095. 

Ryan Lochte is exactly what reality television deserves: Dr__Carson