The Rant: Andy Kennedy's Community Service

As a public service, The Rant would like to suggest a few ways that Ole Miss basketball coach Andy Kennedy can work off the 40 hours of community service.

1.Volunteer his time to host the cable show “Cash Cab.”

2. Appear in a dunking booth for the Cincinnati Unemployed Cabs Union.

3. Stand next to his former boss at Cincy, Bob Huggins, and sound an air horn every time huggy bear cusses at one of his West Virginia players.

4. Be a taxi dispatcher for a day at LaGuardia Airport.

5. Tape a public service spot on the danger of creating “international incidents” or as A.K. said on the police tape, “In-ter-na-tio-nal in-ci-dent.”

6. Sell his phrase “international incident” as a ringtone and donate the money to charity.

7. Spend time thinking what is worse - a loss at LSU or a loss of consortium.

8. Sell all the knives he has tried to stick in Ole Miss athletic director Pete Boone’s back the last couple of years.

9. Construct a sign for the new practice facility that says, “Mohamed Moctar Ould Jiddou Arena” in honor of the Cincy cab driver that Kennedy abused.

10. Count speaking at Rebel Club meetings as community service.

11. Promise to change the oil of every cab in Oxford, Miss. Wait a minute! There are NO cabs in Oxford, Miss.

12. Sell T-shirts for charity that say, “My meter is running and so are the Rebels.”

13. Call Mohamed Moctar Ould Jiddou to make offer to him to be honorary coach for Midnight Madness. Jiddou hangs up when he hears the phrase, “Midnight Madness.”

14. Actually try to schedule someone other than the junior college teams he plays in non-conference.

15. In a feeble attempt to re-recruit David Huertas, go to Puerto Rico to perform circumcisions to those who can’t afford medical help. A.K.’s effort is thwarted because Tim Tebow has already been there.

16. Petition SEC commissioner Mike Slive to never play a Big East-SEC challenge on the road ever again.

17. Agree with Cincy cab company to pay for sponsorship in each Ole Miss game broadcast for a “Yellow Cab Drive of the Game.”

18. Finally agree to this “Hair Club For Men” thing to prove he’s a changed guy turning over a new leaf.

19. Say that next time he’s about to get arrested for a blowup with a cabbie, will call Bob Weltlich to take his place.

20. Decide his biggest mistake was not saying to the cop, “Do you know who I am? I’m Johnny Bench.”

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