Tennis Fan Confessions: What, Me Worry?

It's not just me, right?

I assume that all tennis fans have an ongoing list of tennis worries compiling in their heads. I can't be the only weirdo ruining my manicure over the trials and tribulations of Roger Federer and Maria Sharapova! In the hopes of finding other hopeless tennis fanatics, I'll be the first to share:

TOP 23 TENNIS WORRIES

1. Roger Federer won't break Pete Sampras's record. (I'm not saying it's not going to happen, but I'm on pins and needles until he clinches 15.)

2. Once Federer retires with the best-ever record, Rafael Nadal will surpass it a year later.

3. Maria Sharapova's only future rivalry with Serena Williams will be on HSN.

4. We'll never have another Marat Safin.

5. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga will make like Marcos Baghdatis and slide down the rankings.

6. Which reminds me, what the heck's going on with Marcos Baghdatis? I'm worried about him...

7. The Williams sisters will continue dominating to such a degree that the rest of the WTA tour will seek asylum on the challenger circuit.

8. Rafael Nadal and Ana Ivanovic will never fall in love and produce bionic babies with charming, accented English.

9. 2008 will go down as Jelena Jankovic's best year on tour.

10. All courts and all surfaces will eventually be calibrated to play exactly the same.

11. Bethanie Mattek-Sands will go tasteful.

12. Taylor Dent and Radek Stepanek will be enshrined as the last serve and volleyers in tennis.

13. The sport will be dominated by loping, big serving giants like Ivo Karlovic and John Isner.

14. Justine Henin will never play on the pro circuit again.

15. Anna Kournikova will make a comeback and immediately become the biggest moneymaker on the WTA tour.

16. Justin Gimelstob will replace Larry Scott as CEO of the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour.

17. Amelie Mauresmo will retire too soon.

18. The one-handed backhand will go from endangered to extinct.

19. I don't know what bothers me more, that James Blake may never make it to a Major final, that Andy Roddick could remain a "one slam wonder," or that David Nalbandian will likely go down with Marcelo Rios as one of the most talented players to never have won a Major.

20. We'll expect too much, too soon of Madison Keys.

21. Indian Wells will move to the Middle East.

22. Gilles Simon won't get the one-man show in Vegas that he so deserves.

23. FSN will buy out broadcasting rights from Tennis Channel and ESPN, fulfilling its evil plan to hold tennis hostage.

Crazy time: This started as a "Top 10" list, but I obviously have a lot more to worry about. Heck, I could come up with a top 20 on Roger Federer, alone!

So, forget about the bad economy and that strange-looking mole that just appeared on your neck—tell me what's really keeping you up at night!