Athletes Who Aren't Good at Talking

Quotable Quote: “Maybe next game. 2-3-4. From the first game I played... *nervous laugh* that would be pretty cool...”

The Gronk’s public speaking has improved a bit since this sultry post game interview at the University of Arizona, but this is ridiculous. 

I mean, lord was this one brutal Gronk is sitting there stammering like a kid at his first spelling bee while this young reporter is sliding him dough-eyed looks and wowing over his impressive, you know, genetics. 

You can slice the sexual tension in the air with a boat oar. And the awkwardness.

Rob Gronkowski

Quotable Quote: “Maybe next game. 2-3-4. From the first game I played... *nervous laugh* that would be pretty cool...”

The Gronk’s public speaking has improved a bit since this sultry post game interview at the University of Arizona, but this is ridiculous. 

I mean, lord was this one brutal Gronk is sitting there stammering like a kid at his first spelling bee while this young reporter is sliding him dough-eyed looks and wowing over his impressive, you know, genetics. 

You can slice the sexual tension in the air with a boat oar. And the awkwardness.

Mike Tyson

Quotable Quote: “All praise be to my children. God amen... What.” 

Mike Tyson’s mouth can effectively be blamed for about 60 percent of his life problems (his nose accounts for the other 40 percent).

Between Iron Mike’s second grade grammar, references to Allah and runaway train-of-thought process, any interview he does can adventure into la-la land.

You don’t always know what Tyson means when he starts talking loco, and after a while, you’re convinced that he doesn't either.

Tim Tebow

Quotable Quote: “Powweerrrrrr.”

Tim Tebow is a player first, and talker-person second. And that’s fine, he’s an athlete. He doesn’t get “paid to talk.”

Problem is—he does talk. Rather frequently.

So please, someone get this young man a thesaurus.

Metta World Peace

Quotable Quote: “I’m most happy that Jesus Christ did not let me lose my teeth.” 

Metta World Peace has strong diction and a crisp tone during interviews, even when he’s giving thanks to Christ his savior for not taking his teeth at the wrong time in life.

Peace isn’t a bad speaker, per se. But there’s something to be desired in terms of maintaining focus while speaking to other human beings.

I’m lying. I wouldn’t have him change his ways for anything and I’m sure he won’t.

Ozzie Guillen

Quotable Quote: Anything about coconut water.

Ozzie Guillen can talk. Physically, that is. 

The former Marlins and Chicago White Sox manager can expound on pretty much any subject you want to hear about to the point that you’re concerned his lips might start throwing sparks and lead to a fire hazard.

But based on his many controversial slurs and admiration for Cuban dictator Fidel Castro, you could say he isn’t exactly the best at reining and controlling his words.

Bill Belichick

Quotable Quote: (cricket...cricket) 

Bill Belichick isn’t technically bad at speaking. He just doesn’t talk to anyone about anything.

And while he isn't an athlete, New England’s head coach is a cagey beast in the best of times during conversations, and downright unapproachable at the worst. 

And his unwillingness to bring himself to speak with the media after games is the adult version of picking up your toys and delivering a certain Eric Cartman line we all know.

Except with Belichick, it’s “Screw you, Shannon Sharpe.”

Benny Green

Quotable Quote: “Dey fans gon’ say ‘yeuh’ and I don’t know who say and I don’t know two-three-say-sawyit...”

When you slap a cheerleader in the face on television, you’re going to have some explaining to do. 

Or, if you’re University of Tennessee basketball player Benny Green, a lot of “who-say she-say” marble-mouthed mumbling to do. 

Take out the jawbreakers next time you try to ho-hum away an assault allegation, Benny.

Dale Earnhardt

Quotable Quote: “I’m the boss!”

Dale Earnhardt has done some weird interviews and this particular section of 60 Minutes features some weird, awkward moments.

Not to mention a dash of misogyny. That’s like the paprika in this strange stew—just a spritzing for forced flavor.

Boom Goes the Dyamite Guy

Quotable Quote: “Hoosiers are on the four... on... on the year...”

This poor kid can't catch a break.

It's alright, "Boom Goes the Dynamite Kid"—we all had our awkward moments in college.

And yes, a lot of them ended up in some form another being uploaded to the Internet and lampooned by many.

Pavel Datsyuk

Quotable Quote: “He young, aggressive. Play well.” 

Alright, so this isn’t quite fair, but this video is too good to pass up.

Detroit Redwings center Pavel Datsyuk is a great hockey player, but bless his little Russian heart, he’s still working on this whole English thing.

No hard feelings, Datsyuk. You still speak better English than some lifelong Americans.

Adam 'Pacman' Jones

Quotable Quote: “Script clubs.”  

Strip. Script. Close enough?

Full-time wildman and occasional football player Pacman Jones is a big fan of the ladies—more specifically, the kind you see in clubs and tip for dances.

It might just be the southern drawl (he’s from Atlanta, Georgia), but the twang Jones puts on some words can really confuse the ear from time-to-time.

Ryan Lochte

Quotable Quote: “I kinda stay under the profile.”

Behold: The Lochte. 

Marvel in silence as it ruminates on the nature of its existence. Wait with baited breath as it parses out the grand mystery of of life. Apply palm to face at it muses upon “What defines Ryan Lochte?”

Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte is a swimmer first, female eye candy second and a talker third. Or fiftieth.

Listening to his press interviews, I think of that scene in Forrest Gump where Forrest ends his run in the middle of the desert.

“Quiet! Lochte’s going to talk!”

“I’m done swimming. Think I’ll go to the market.”