What Bias? A Completely Impartial Guide to the 2009 Chicago White Sox

*sings* "It's the most wonderrrful time of the yeaaarrrr!"

Folks, it's no secret that I'm a big fan of baseball season. More specifically, I'm a fan of the Chicago White Sox. This year is going to be four different types of interesting, and I'm going to help you get ready by giving you a preview of The Southside Hitmen.

I'll break the team down by position and give my "ruthlessly optimistic" view at the bottom of each list. Let's get into it.

Pitchers:

The starting roto is looking like this (not in order):

• Mark Buehrle
• Bartolo Colón
• José Contreras
• John Danks
• Gavin Floyd

Ruthlessly optimistic view: The fact is that Danks is two months older than me(23) and won 12 games last year with a ERA in the mid-threes. The sky isn't high enough for the kid.

Buehrle and Floyd are good to go, and the old heads(Colon and Contreras) are experienced enough in the AL central to get some wins lined up.

Homer Blinders Off View: There's something unsettling about a 37 and a 35 year old being expected to go the whole season without issue. Watch out for Lance Broadway, he should step in if someone gets hurt.

Bullpen:

The reliever guys are looking interesting. Here they are!

• O. Dotel
• S. Linebrink
• M. Thornton
• D. Carrasco
• C. Richard
• M. MacDougal
• B. Jenks (El Closer)

Ruthlessly optimistic view: These guys are pretty solid as is, when you  couple that with good opening innings from the starters, this is where there isn't too much to worry about.

Homer Blinders Off View: Unless D.J. Carrasco is the second coming of Goose Gossage and I missed it, there isn't enough in the 'pen to make me feel comfortable. The backups aren't that exciting either.

Scott Linebrink is pretty on-point though. Jenks is still lights out, and he is second only to Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart on the "Best Beard/Goatee Thing" list.

Infield:

• Wilson Betemit
• Josh Fields
• Chris Getz
• Paul Konerko
• Brent Lillibridge
• Alexei Ramírez

• Corky Miller
• A. J. Pierzynski

Ruthlessly optimistic view: If I told you Alexei Ramirez was going to be a boss like Richard E. Ross last year, you would have probably taken my beer away (sidebar: Don't touch my beer). He's leading a youth movement on the sand, it seems.

"Mr. Missouri" Joe Crede is no longer at third, and Josh Fields finally gets to show and prove. Big Fat Paulie Konerko is getting older, but he's still good for about 20-25 homers.

Homer Blinders Off View:

My die-hard Braves fan friends have extolled the virtue of  Brent Lillibridge, but I can't trust any man with that last name.

Take a second. Roll it around the tongue. "LILLIBRIDGE." It sounds like an expensive rose wine. Sox fans don't drink wine, we save that for the trixies.

On the other hand, Corky Miller is the dopest baseball name since Coco Crisp. What's the over/under on him having that "Black Betty" song on his Ipod?

Outfield:

• Brian Anderson
• Jermaine Dye
• Carlos Quentin
• Dewayne Wise

Ruthlessly optimistic view: If Carlos Quentin does even a fraction of last year's work(and keeps that wrist away from bats) he should be a monsterbeast. Gold Glover? why yes! Jermaine Dye is older, but is still awesome. Plus he was on MTV Cribs. Has Shin-Soo Choo been on Cribs? Didn't think so.

Homer Blinders Off View: Brian Anderson alternates between terrible and kinda ok, but still cringe-worthy when it comes to offense. J. Dye is getting older, and there might need to be some addressing of that situation before the season is out.

DH:

Jim Thome

Ruthlessly optimistic view: It's Jim Thome. 'Nuff said.

Homer Blinders Off View: He's older than bum wine and while he's still a big hitter. He's got Frank Thomas disease. It's either a homer or a K. He's still dat dude though.

So there you have it! Due to Chicago weather being Chicago weather, the team is actually pushing the opener to Tuesday. If you're bummed you have to wait until then, just listen to "Thunderstruck" on repeat like I'm going to do.

Whoever you support, have a great season!