I'm going to be honest. There is not a hell of a lot about Kansas City I like. Sorry to all you native Kansas City-ans out there, but I just can't bring myself to like anything about you.
Except your tight end, that is.
Call me selfish, arrogant, or maybe even a little blockheaded, but I have come to believe that if Tony Gonzalez traded his bright red arrowhead helmet, for, say, some dark green Eagles wings, that he may not like you anymore either.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he would say it's nothing personal. After over 11 seasons as the Chiefs' starting-tight end, it sure better not be. Over his solid, if not spectacular career, Gonzalez has amassed over 900 receptions, and has scored 76 touchdowns, both of which are Hall of Fame-worthy statistics. But, as often happens when players begin to see the joints break down and the odometer creep past 30, they start to worry about whether or not they can ever take home the top prize, the creme de la creme.
And Kansas City, I'm sure he would tell you all that matters to him now is having a chance to live that moment, to capture Super Bowl glory.
So now that we have that settled, I hope you don't play the role of the overprotective parents. Yes, you have done a great job raising him so far, but you no longer can do the job effectively.
Maybe it was the two wins in '08 that forced the issue. Or maybe it was the fact you have only amassed six total wins in two seasons.
Plus, to be honest, Scott Paoli scares me a little. And I think he scares Tony.
That being said, what better place is there for him aside from Philadelphia? So far, the Eagles depth chart at tight-end consists of Brent Celeck and Matt Schobel. I'll tell you what, Kansas City, you can have them. Both of them... if you give me Gonzalez.
I'll tell you what else you can have. You can have one of our first round draft choices. We have two of them, you know. And after you finished 31st in the league in total defense, I would say you need all the help you can get.
No offense, I just figure it's a win-win for both of us.
Plus, after all these years, you have to want what's best for Gonzalez. I'm sure you will want to see him become the viable red-zone threat the Eagles have been missing for the last few years, and I know you will love to see the balance he will bring to the Eagles offense, playing aside Desean Jackson and Brian Westbrook.
Most of all, however, I know you will love seeing Donovan Macnabb and his perfect spirals hit Gonzalez over the middle of the field, as he streaks his way into the end zone. It will put Matt "I'm actually the same as the quarterback you already have" Cassel to shame.
I will tell you this: I would love to see it. So Kansas City, if you have not noticed, I'm trying to like you.
I have offered you two decent tight-ends and a draft choice, and all you have to give me in return is the heart and soul of your team for the last decade.
I think that's fair, don't you?