The Holiday Gifts That Sports Celebrities Will NOT Be Getting

In this season of gift-giving and charity, it is time to reflect back on the past year for those presents that our beloved athletes and sports celebrities will NOT be getting this holiday season.

Derek Dooley—An orange Snuggie

Andy Reid—Season 15 of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

RGIII—Jerry's Subs & Pizza gift card

Andrew Bynum—Bowling lessons

Phil Jackson—Volume III of The Zen Master's Handbook: Handling Rejection

Gary Bettman—Stanley tea cups

Lance Armstrong—Designer syringes

Miguel Cabrera—Triple Crown shot glasses

Dwight Howard—"I Love Orlando" Superman cape

Jonathan Vilma—Bountygate paper towels

Augusta National—Tampon machines

Michael Phelps—Gold-plated bong

Mark Emmert—Happy Valley skydiving lessons

Andrew Luck/GEICO Caveman—Separated at birth

Danica Patrick—[e-mail]

Bobby Petrino—His & hers bungee cords

Bubba Watson—Purple jumpsuit

Anthony Davis—Diamond-studded tweezers

Tiger Woods—Hookers' Handbook To Winning A Major

Tim Tebow—Atheist's Guide To Punt Protecting

Billy Cundiff—I-95 Shank Steak Recipes

Ozzie Guillen—Cuban cigars

LeBron James—Expandable headbands

Alex Rodriguez—Dugout edition of Match.com

Jeff Gordon—NASCAR Boxing Gloves

Peyton Manning—Hans Device

Ndamukong Suh—The Karate Kid Trilogy

Melky Cabrera—A Juicer's Guide To Canadian Citizenship

Linda McMahon—Piledriven: My Career In American Politics

Geno Smith—September Edition of Heisman Digest

Jimmy Johnson—Wall repellent

Rodney Erickson—Blame It On The Dead Guy: An Apologist's Handbook To  NCAA Sanctions

Urban Meyer—Buckeye defibrillator

Mike Trout—Sabermetrics WAR Manual: 2012 AL MVP

Bobby Valentine—Beantown Realtors Guide

Tony Romo—Holiday turnover recipes

Jim Tressel—Tattoo kit

Jack Taylor—Art Of The Assist