The Rundown: Recapping the Week That Was in WWE

Peter LangeCorrespondent IMarch 16, 2009

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Wunder, warum die richtigen Wörter nie kommen

Enjoying a bit of early Spring weather in the upper midwest this weekend. I spent several hours yesterday hiking in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, including a light-footed journey 150 yards out onto Lake Superior.

A hearty storm last week left a massive pile-up of blue ice along the shoreline, so my photographer friend Ben and I went up to do a little sightseeing. We didn't get any shots worth seeing this weekend, but I do recommend checking out his gallery for some great viewing.

Now, on to The Rundown!

My brother and I were not real close growing up. There was a bit of an age gap between us, and when you couple that with the fact that we had virtually nothing in common, sparks flew between the two of us from time to time.

There was the Thanksgiving that I delivered a one-punch knockout over dinner. Or the boot-to-the-groin I received during a family reunion. But we're much better now. 

It's not like I ever cost him a shot at the WWE Championship, or he tried to run me off the road after a New Year's party. Quite the opposite, actually, if you've ever seen my brother drive, but I digress.

Matt & Jeff have some issues to work out. Will WrestleMania be the end of the road for these two? It's going to be hard to keep this feud going for much longer unless some sort of Title is involved.

As I stated last week, I'm still rather indifferent to this story because it doesn't feel very deep to me. These guys can only fight over each other for so long unless there is something else at stake.

Triple H broke into somebody's house this week on Raw and caused a lot of mayem. Do you think the insurance will cover that?

There were so many [unintentionally] funny spots during that sequence Monday night, but since I've already commented on the "police" (AkD's The Nickel: Taker, the Lost Vickie/Big Show Tape, Brian Pillman 2.0 RAW Recap) let me go in another direction.

Who were all those people just hanging out in the house? It's just not normal to have that many strangers hiding out in your place, Randy. May I suggest a call to Brink's Home Security?

Let's play along for a moment. Even if you're doing a live remote interview in Orton's house, you shouldn't need that many staffers on hand. There should be Orton, his wife, and possibly a child actor portraying Alanna Marie (baby Orton).

Then you might have a housekeeper/babysitter. Don't forget the camera and sound guys, so that's possibly a couple more bodies. I counted four people in that house that shouldn't have been there. And is Randy Orton's wife also Jeff Hardy's girlfriend?

Christian joined six, and later seven, other Superstars in qualifying for this year's Money in the Bank Ladder Match at WrestleMania, bringing the total number of legitimate contenders to four. Okay, maybe four and a half, but I really don't see Punk repeating.
I wouldn't mind seeing Christian win this match, but I don't think that his year will suffer without it. His best bet for major gold would be a transfer to Smackdown! after the Draft, where I believe his competition could include the likes of Edge, John Cena, and Chris Jericho.

There is also the possibility that he will be the one to take the ECW Championship from Swagger, but that show is so irrelevant to me that I am really hoping against it.

John Cena made a surprise appearance on SNL this week, getting punched in the face by Tracy Morgan. And in a related story, I am the new president of The Tracy Morgan Fan Club!

What else did Cena do this week? Oh, that's right, he made me vomit. And he showed a video of Vickie and Big Show getting freaky, if that's what you want to call it. Please Edge, I'm begging you, get as far away from these people as you can!

Why is it that Miz/Morrison and Primo/Carlito fight each other every week? And what's the point in defending the Titles? Is WWE really considering unifying the belts? As lackluster as the tag division has been in recent years, it would be an enormous mistake to have only one set of Tag Team Champions.

The tag scene has always confused me. When I started watching WWE [again] eight years ago, there was plenty of action in the division. Sure, there have been roster cuts lately, but there are still lots of people standing around not doing anything. Team them up and let's revive the tag division!

One last thing...why are the Bellas up for grabs every time those two teams face off? Don't these women have minds of their...oh, nevermind. It looks to me as though one of the Bellas prefers life in the Palace of Wisdom, while the other would rather spend her time in the Cabana.

How long until these two throwdown with each other? Brother on brother, Bella on Bella...can't we all just get along?

And now a word from your new Intercontinental Champion, John Bradshaw Layfield:

“I have just gotten into my prime,” he explained to Styles. “I have never been better, richer or better looking. I know these are audacious statements, but I have learned over the years to be truthful. And I am really that much better than everyone else, still.”

This statement contradicts a report in Celeste's Rumor Mill: March 12 that Bradshaw plans to retire in the coming months. I'm not a fan of JBL, but I am curious as to what he has in store that will "shock the wrestling world" at WrestleMania.

CM Punk's loss of the Intercontinental title is leading some to believe that he may reclaim MITB in three weeks. The question in my mind is this: if Punk was viewed as a mediocre, transitional champion last year, what would be the purpose in him winning Money again this year?
Edge defeated Kofi Kingston this week in a match that I would like to see a lot more of. Kofi is another Superstar that I have pegged for a move to Friday nights, but let's go back to The Rated-R Superstar for a moment.

Edge, you are right up on my list of favorites, along with Randy Orton and fellow Canadian Chris Jericho. I remember thinking several years ago how you could be a huge star if given the chance, and you have proven me right.

Somewhere along the line, however, it seems that you've developed a dependency on the people around you.

First, you had Christian. Then you had other partners before hooking up with Lita. You had a brief bro-mance with Randy Orton. And then the big one. You married Vicky Guerrero.

Edge, buddy, it's really hard to support you in front of my friends. You're kind of embarassing me! I'm not trying to get involved in your personal life, but dude, can't you see that she is bringing you down? It's a scary world out there by yourself, but Edge, I know you can make it.

You're already taking good steps. That Sharpshooter you've rolled out recently totally rocks!

I know you feel it inside you, Edge. You have that urge. You want to put on some shades, do that mysterious running-through-the-crowd-thing, and for the next five seconds, very generously pose for all of us with the benefit of flash photography. You know you want to...

If Ric Flair comes out of retirement, even for one night, it will completely devalue his entire final run and retirement last year. The "final" match he had with Shawn Michaels? The "final" goodbye he had on Raw?

It is one thing to be involved in a storyline, and that's fine. But there is no need for Flair to get into the ring. Is WWE having that much trouble finding Jericho an opponent for WrestleMania?

Two guys that have no problem finding opponents for WrestleMania are Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker. The Undertaker, in case you haven't heard, is 16-0 on the grandest stage of them all. His counterpart, HBK, is nicknamed (among other things) Mr. WrestleMania.

Side note: Does the winner of the 25 Diva Battle Royal, henceforth known as Ms. WrestleMania, have to do an awkward, Prom-like slow dance with Michaels at the end of the night?

Undertaker continued his recent talkative ways on Monday night, confronting Michaels and again reminding him of The Streak. He also warned The Showstopper of the damage he will inflict upon his soul.

Michaels pointed out that while he respects The Dead Man, he is not afraid.

This is still a match that I think could go either way. It's hard to bet against The Undertaker, but if anyone is ever going to beat him, wouldn't you think that HBK could be the one?

Finally, I'd like take just a moment to comment on the passing of Andrew Martin, also known as Test.

Test was a fixture in many prominent storylines in the early part of this decade, a grim reminder of how far someone can fall in a relatively short period of time. Trained by the likes of Bret Hart and Dory Funk Jr., Test combined incredible size and speed with brute, and sometimes vicious strength.

The Hired Gun, as he was originally known, was a four-time singles champion, and two-time Tag Team Champion with Booker T.

Test returned to WWE in 2006 as part of The New Breed of ECW Superstars. Following his release from WWE, he had a brief stint as The Punisher in TNA Wrestling before announcing his retirement in December of 2007.

I was a fan of Test (though never a "Testicle") when I tuned into WWF programming in 2001. He was someone that I always rooted for, even on a personal level, and I had hoped that retirement from the sport would bring an end to his substance abuse issues.

I guess that we probably all feel the same way when we lose another wrestler. We hope that this is the last one, and that other performers will learn from his mistakes.


    Charlotte on Feeling Grateful for WrestleMania Main Event

    WWE logo

    Charlotte on Feeling Grateful for WrestleMania Main Event

    via Wrestlezone

    Finn Balor and Veronica Rodriguez Get Married 💍

    WWE logo

    Finn Balor and Veronica Rodriguez Get Married 💍

    Mike Chiari
    via Bleacher Report

    Jim Ross on WWE’s NXT Move: ‘Bring It On. Let’s Compete.'

    WWE logo

    Jim Ross on WWE’s NXT Move: ‘Bring It On. Let’s Compete.'

    via Wrestlezone

    Bliss Is the Best Thing to Ever Happen to the Women’s Tag Titles

    WWE logo

    Bliss Is the Best Thing to Ever Happen to the Women’s Tag Titles

    Cageside Seats
    via Cageside Seats