Rob Gronkowski Does Not Drink Beers, Enjoys a Slow-Paced Life at Home

Rob Gronkowski, purveyor of parties, would have you believe that he has pretty much given up the sweet life and enjoys a much quieter time at home. 

Not sure we believe that. 

The Patriots tight end was on “The Dan Patrick Show” on Monday (h/t Larry Brown Sports) and answered the usual questions about his lifestyle, but gave unusual answers. 

Larry Brown Sports transcribed the goodness, or lack thereof. 

"

“If it’s the offseason (we would) probably just kick it,” Gronkowski replied. “Play some backyard sports — definitely some basketball in the backyard. Get a little workout in, a little run in and just chill.”

Trying to deliver for his listeners, Patrick then asked Gronkowski at what point would they all start crushing some beers.

“Not sure,” Gronk said. “I don’t do those things.”

"

If a bro gives up brew, does he cease being a bro? Allow me to tickle the intellect with this follow-up conundrum. What if that bro happens to be the bro-est bro who ever bro-ed? I do believe he gets a lifetime exemption. 

I would need to look it up in the bro handbook given out with every purchase of Zubaz pants, though. 

Either way, this smells of a famous athlete growing tired of all the hype surrounding his crushing of beer and canoodling with coeds. 

The easy route would be to merely say he has given it all up, but we'll actually believe that when we go more than a few weeks without seeing a video of Gronk in a club with his shirt off, or an offseason without him giving a tell-all interview where he is painted as quite the party animal. 

As he was in this Sports Illustrated profile. 

When he says he doesn't do those things, we don't believe him because we have seen him do just that. 

Then again, maybe we hope he hasn't changed his ways to assuage the Patriots wishes. Perhaps we are afraid that Gronkowski has hung up the Gronk for good. 

Maybe, just maybe, he really doesn't pound beer and party like there is no tomorrow. 

Nah. 

Follow me on Twitter because, like Michelangelo, I'm a party dude. 

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