The Pinkie Interviews the IU Gorilla

As the only resident of the Hoosier state I would like to give my boys some props for their effort last night. They treated last night’s game as their National Championship and nearly pulled off a monumental upset.

This has been a tough season for the Hoosiers but throughout the year the team has played hard and the fans have cheered hard. One fan who is beginning to gain more and more publicity is that zany Hoosier Gorilla who sits in the front row of the student section each game. I had the pleasure of sitting down with the Gorilla last week.

Pinkie: According to the IU cheerleading coach, IU’s Athletic Director (Fred Glass) recently said that he thought the IU Gorilla was “great” and very enthusiastic during the games; Is this the backing you need to make a full out push to become Indiana’s official mascot?

IU Gorilla: Of course, why not!? What is a “hoosier” anyway? IU needs a mascot that people can associate with the team, and what could be better than a gorilla in the home whites wearing white stunner shades.

Pinkie: How can you get excited for every game when the team is struggling so mightily?

IU Gorilla: I get excited because it seems that IU is within grasp of winning a game about every time. Yeah, it’s a big let down when they lose but when you go to the next home game I don’t even think about it. There is always a crowd, the players remain very serious about trying to win, and you can’t do anything but help them out as best you can.

Pinkie: Along with Giant Anteaters and Platypuses, you are in an exclusive group of “knuckle-walkers”; Has there been any talk amongst you to start a movement allowing your fellow knuckle-walkers to have more opportunities in the mascot business?

IU Gorilla: Actually there has. A few months ago we shook some limbs and climbed some trees with the Capital One people, and hopefully next year they’ll let us in the Mascot Challenge. They didn’t let us in last year because they claimed we didn’t officially represent any schools, which was bull because I know there are monkeys all over UK’s campus.

Pinkie: How are you able to sit in the same seat every game?

IU Gorilla: That’s easy; I simply walk down there. After being invited and attending an IU cheerleading practice I pretty much get to go where I please. I’ve made a few friends with some of the ushers and police officers who have seen me conversing with the cheerleading coach, so they just assume I’m supposed to be down there.

Pinkie: How is your relationship with Go, the Phoenix Suns mascot and Gus, the Pittsburgh State (KS) mascot? In 2005, Go became one of the three initial members of the Mascots Hall of Fame, what do you think your chances of getting there are? And who’s a better dunker, you, Gus, or Go?

IU Gorilla: Go and Gus are haters and they only wish they could be as cool as me. My chances of getting into the Hall of Fame are VERY slim since a school hasn’t officially picked me up yet, but I’m hoping IU comes to their senses. As for dunking, if someone wants to bring a trampoline down to the court during halftime I’d be more than happy to put on a show.

Pinkie: How much do you hate Captain Leo Davidson (Charlton Heston/Mark Wahlberg)?

IU Gorilla: Lets not go there.

Pinkie: Is your favorite food bananas, or do you just eat them for health benefits?

IU Gorilla: Bananas are good and all but nothing beats a good AMF from The Upstairs. They keep me going throughout the day and during all the games lol.

Pinkie: Being a native of tropical or subtropical forests, how are you making due living in Indiana, where it’s pretty much just cornstalks, farmland, and basketball goals.

IU Gorilla: I make due with what I have, but as time goes on I’m ready to get back down south. I have a coconut tree out back I swing around on from time to time, but nothing beats the rainforest.

Pinkie: How can we get you on an ESPN commercial? And which anchor(s) would you want as your co-star(s)?

IU Gorilla: Next year I plan on contacting ESPN through numerous emails and letters, and I can only hope someone says “oh yea I’ve seen that gorilla guy.” As for help, I need people to pump up the IU Gorilla and spread the word. Also if I were to get into a commercial, Scott Van Pelt would be my #1 choice because he is just hilarious.

Pinkie: What is the craziest request you have gotten from an IU fan?

IU Gorilla: Can I grab your ass?

Pinkie: Do they make you wear pants?

IU Gorilla: Yes, unfortunately they do. At one of the games the ref’s thought I was being inappropriate by bending over during a bad call with only my jersey on.